


Vinic Ways

by uncouth_peasant



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Lance (Voltron), Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Blood, Choking, Crack, Crack Fic, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Cuddling, Electrocution, Garrison trio, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Hugs, Humor, Hurt Lance, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecure Lance, It gets dark, It took a few weeks, Keith gets educated, Lance (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Lance (Voltron) Whump, Langst, Lots of Vine References, Medical Inaccuracies, No research went into this, Oneshot, Ouch, Pidge and Lance are my BROTP, Pop Culture, Protective Lance (Voltron), Protective Team, Read safely, SpaceMalls, Swearing, Team as Family, That got really angsty really quick, Uhh I have no excuse for this, Verbal Abuse, Vines, Who knew plot could get so violent, Whump, You Have Been Warned, attempts at humor, movies - Freeform, note there is a lot of swearing: they’re vines, obviously, pillows, this is why we can’t have nice things, this should probably be rated mature but oh well, why do I keep making OC’s that I absolutely adore but will never use outside of their story, worried team
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24971788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uncouth_peasant/pseuds/uncouth_peasant
Summary: A crack fic that turned whumpy.Basically, you can pry the idea of our Paladins knowing vines out of my cold dead hands.Like, they’re teenagers with internet access. No *way* would they not be fully immersed in that culture.So we go from crack and the Garrison Trio making life confusing for our favorite uncultured emoTo *this*:**************“Come now, Little Paladin!” Krantock called joyfully. Lance could hear him getting closer with every frantic breath that passed the Blue Paladin’s lips. “Don’t tell me you actually thought you could evade me!”**************So yeah. Enjoy my first oneshot.
Relationships: Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro
Comments: 30
Kudos: 232





	Vinic Ways

**Author's Note:**

> I... I don’t have an explanation. 
> 
> I couldn’t work on the next chapter of MPNS until I finished this monstrosity.
> 
> Then it took two weeks.
> 
> Keep in mind that I only researched one thing for the whump- everything else is inaccurate and I have no idea if Lance would have actually survived this mess. I’m using some quintessence shenanigans to make it “logical”, but be ready for medical inaccuracies.
> 
> But yeah! Vines+ Paladins+ A Really Angsty Turn!
> 
> Who could ever ask for more???
> 
> Uhhh.... enjoy!
> 
> ALSO: I don’t own VLD, nor do I own any recognizable pop culture references. If you laughed, it’s probably not me:)

**_It had started as a happy accident._ **

Lance was lost in thought, face pinched as he tried to remember why exactly he was craving chicken wings. He didn’t even _like_ chicken wings, so why was _that,_ of _everything_ in the whole wide universe of delicacies and snacks to miss and/or crave, the one thing he suddenly couldn’t live without. It wasn’t like he even had access-

“Lance!”

Lance just about fell out of his chair. “What?” he gasped back, glaring at Hunk as he fought a laugh at the Blue Paladin. 

“You were lost in thought.”

“Was not.”

“What were we talking about then?”

“The fact that you have to ask wounds me. Is there no trust between us?”

“I was telling you about my friend from before you and I met at the Garrison?” Hunk prompted. They both knew Lance had missed the entirety of Hunk’s monologue that had apparently happened.

Whoops. 

“Yeah? Uh- yeah, I know,” Lance bs’d. Hunk arched a disbelieving eyebrow at him. Pidge huffed and set down her comically massive coffee cup on the table with a dull thud. To be totally honest, Lance had forgotten she was even there. Pidge had found some new files on their most recent Galra base raid that she was hoping would lead her closer to her father and brother. Lance doubted she’d slept a wink last night.

“And they were roommates,” she deadpanned, letting her head fall back on her folded arms.

**_And then it happened._ **

Lance hadn’t even processed her words before blurting out, “Oh my God, they were roommates.”

The effect was instantaneous. Pidge straightened so fast Lance could hear her spine pop. Hunk nearly dropped the pan he was holding at her cry of “ _WHAT?_ ”.

Lance needed to ask Coran if they could find some more stable chairs. His was obviously defective. 

He looked over at Pidge, eyes wide at the energy thrumming from her very small (haha suck it, gremlin. Even his passively terrified internal monologue could acknowledge her height) form. 

“You-’ he started, pointing.

“ _You-_ ” she spluttered, pointing with two hands. Lance wasn’t sure if she realized that her left hand was also pointing given the fact that it was pointing the opposite direction of Lance. “ _You know vines?_ ” she whispered, the intensity of her stare rooting Lance to his obviously wobbly seat. Lance McClain did _not_ nearly fall out of his chair.

Twice.

Obviously. 

Lance looked back at her just as solemnly. “You’d better believe it, gremlin.”

“Hmmm…” Pidge mused, taking a sip of her coffee… musingly? Whatever. Lance was a Paladin. Not a linguist.

The fact that he was bilingual and currently learning Altean to impress Allura and Coran, as well as Galran for obvious reasons, did not apply to that argument. 

“This requires a test.”

“A test?” Lance squawked, straightening his spine. “Over what?”

“A test over how well-versed in the Vinic Arts you are, My Child.” Pidge smirked confidently, crossing her arms across her chest as she sized him up.

“What?”

“Don’t worry, Pidge,” Hunk called from the stovetop he was working at. “Lance is about as well-versed as _I_ am.”

“That’s because I educated you myself,” Lance called back. Hunk waved a hand over his shoulder in acknowledgment.

“Still. A test wouldn’t hurt.” Pidge bit her lip, clearly thinking hard. Lance stared at her quizzically, quietly doubting the mental stability of the youngest Paladin.

After a few minutes of silence, broken only by Hunk’s quiet humming and the sizzle of whatever was on the stove- _maybe it was chicken wings-_

“Hunk,” Pidge said suddenly, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “What do you want to eat?”

Psh. Easy.

“The souls of the innocent!” Lance cut in. Pidge smirked triumphantly. Hunk, great dude that he was, didn’t miss a beat either.

“A bagel,” he called.

“ _NO!”_

“Two bagels!”

“What?” Keith stood in the doorway, looking like they’d all started speaking Portuguese.

“Why, Keith!” Lance gasped, leaning back and clutching a hand to his chest. “Do you not know the reference?” Pidge gasped also for effect. Hunk tried and failed to not laugh for Keith’s sake, who was looking more and more confused.

“Uhhh… no?”

Pidge silently held out a fist towards Lance. He snickered, not breaking eye contact with Keith as he obligingly bumped it.

“Why are you guys laughing? Hunk? Hunk what’s going on?”

“Keith,” Hunk said, looking at Keith very seriously, “Run.”

Lance and Pidge immediately started growling out the song by AWOLNATION, and Hunk’s eyes widened at his tragic mistake.

“Why are Lance and Pidge beatboxing?” Shiro appeared suddenly behind Keith. 

“Hi Shiro,” Pidge said, the maniacal grin still on her face. If it threw their illustrious leader off-balance, he didn’t let it show. 

“So, I was talking to Allura. She said that we will be arriving at our next system within a few vargas.”

“Great!” Hunk strode over to them with a plate of something that, although it wasn’t chicken wings ( _get off the chicken wings_ ) smelled _amazing_. Lance reached out greedily, but Pidge smacked his hand away. He glared at her as she then reached forward (without breaking eye contact with Lance- assert your dominance much?) and stuffed one of the orange and violet pastry-looking things into her mouth before grabbing four more, two in each hand. Hunk gave her a simple Look™ that had her putting two back and handing Lance one. She muttered an apology before swallowing and thanking Hunk for the food while Hunk grabbed one for himself. Shiro was- if his contented humming was anything to go by (honestly it reminded Lance of his nephew)- also enjoying one of the pastries. They tasted sort of like a leprechaun took a baseball bat to a cinnamon roll and a slice of banana bread in a dark alley then sprinkled their remains with sugar, spice, and everything nice and left them to die in said alley.

At least, that’s what Lance got from it. 

“Are we going to be able to restock our supplies there?” Hunk asked Shiro. 

“Actually, that’s our first stop.” Shiro took another bite of his pastry. “Coran mentioned there being a Spacemall, so, if you all wanted, I was thinking we could explore, replenish our stock, and stretch our legs a bit. 

“We get free-time?” Lance asked hopefully.

“Fuck yes!” Pidge cried around a mouthful of pastry. Shiro glared at her, but she paid him no mind. Instead, she turned to Lance. “You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Lance smirked. “Well, actually I was thinking-”

Pidge smacked his left temple.

“-Ah, _fuck_. I can’t believe you done this!”

“ _Yessss!_ ” Pidge cheered, high-fiving Lance. Hunk chuckled, throwing a napkin at the two with a “ _you two are so messy!_ ” while Shiro grinned slightly, knowing full well what was going on.

Keith, meanwhile, was close to a conniption fit.

“What? Pidge, you can’t just smack La- Shiro why are you- Hunk _stop laughing something’s wrong-_ ”

Shiro stopped him with a hand reached behind Hunk’s back to touch the confused teen’s shoulder. He leveled Lance and Pidge with a solemn stare, borderline confrontational. “You two, he said seriously. “If what I think is happening is happening, it better not be.”

Lance and Pidge froze. Keith relaxed. Hunk and Shiro tried desperately to keep a straight face.

Then: “YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” chorused the two. Hunk and Shiro burst into laughter.

“ _What?!_ ” Keith cried. “You also? _What is going on?!_ ”

“Buddy,” Lance wheezed, “you don’t know the _half_ of it.”

***

The SpaceMall was pretty much the same as all the others they had previously visited. Large, open, and, most importantly, _public_.

Shiro wandered off with Allura to look for supplies for the castleship while Keith wanted to look at the Sharp Things Store™ for more Sharp Things because he didn’t have enough (???). 

Lance heartily disagreed on that front.

Hunk, Pidge, and Lance set out together, but Hunk got distracted in the food court sharing cooking tips and tricks with some friendly alien chefs. He looked like a child in a candy store, so Pidge and Lance elected to leave him be and make their way around the mall together.

Really, one of the others should have seen this coming. 

Lance and Pidge darted through the mall, checking shops and politely causing a ruckus before leaving. Lance found an earth store towards the back entrance, and he and Pidge took the vacant place by storm. Pidge was looking in the back of the store and found a goddamn _treadmill_.

Naturally, she and Lance had a bet on who could run farther.

Naturally, Lance won.

But only just. Pidge started heckling him when he was nearing where she stopped. The storeowner was getting cranky with her “yell and distract” method, so Pidge switched tactics.

“Why are you running? Why are _you running_?”

Lance started laughing so hard that he flew off of the treadmill into the aptly placed pillow display behind him. 

***

“Does every earthen store include a cow with every purchase? Is that like, a store-chain thing?”

“Maybe that’s why most alien theories begin with cows being abducted,” Pidge mused.

“That’s… terrifyingly astute. Nice connection.”

“I try.”

“Oh! Oh! There’re Shiro and Allura! Pidge, you gotta show them your camera!”

“I have a _way_ better plan.” Pidge looked at their newest bovine team member pointedly.

Lance’s eyebrows rose in appreciation. “I love the way your devious little mind works.”

“Do you know your cue?”

“Like you even have to ask! C’mon, Mooshu!”

“We are not calling her _‘Mooshu’_!”

“I think it _behooves_ us as loud and proud Disnerds to _milk_ this for all it’s worth.

“...”

“Get it? She’s a cow? They have hooves? And we get milk from them?? Eh? Pidge?” Lance turned around, looking for his accomplice. “Pidge????”

***

“Shiro! Allura!”

“Hi, Pidge!” Shiro called, looking up from the machinery he and Allura had found for the bridge. Pidge recalled him and Hunk discussing possible upgrades for the computers.

“Where’s Lance?”Allura asked, looking more worried than Pidge felt was necessary. They weren’t _that_ terrible in public.

Ok, so that was a lie. But anyway.

“We saw Hunk- he said you two were traveling together.”

“We are,” Pidge assured. “He left one of his bags in the Earth Store where I,” Pidge fished in her grocery bag for her camera, “bought _this_.”

“Very nice find, Pidge!” Allura praised. Shiro’s eyes widened as he processed everything Pidge had said.

“Wait, ‘Earth Store’? Tell me they didn’t give y-”

“-And in honor of having a new camera all thanks to you two (and Coran), I want you two to be the first subjects of the very first photo on here!” Pidge bulldozed over Shiro, knowing she didn’t have time to let him complete that thought.

“Pidge-”

“Now, you two stand right there,” Pidge ordered, backing up so she was roughly fifteen feet from them. This section of the mall was thankfully fairly barren, what with most of the shoppers having rushed there for their midday meal. Was midday the right term to use in space? Probably not.

Frankly, Pidge could have cared less about that, though. Her plan was coming to fruition.

“Alright,” she said, loud enough to be heard around the corridor, but not enough to clue anyone outside of Lance and possibly Shiro into what was going on. “Everyone say Colorado!”

Lance and Mooshu, right on time, whipped through the gap between the two adults and Pidge, screeching, “ _I’M A GIRAFFE!_ ”

Shiro and Allura jumped back in shock, before staring at Pidge in disappointment and confusion respectively. 

“Shiro,” Allura suddenly asked, “what’s a giraffe?”

The entire mall could probably hear Pidge and Lance cackling.

***

Alien grocery stores were weird.

Like, yeah, they had shelves and associates and the whole nine yards as far as goods went.

But Walmart didn’t typically have shelves parallel to the ceiling strung above their shoppers. Or bottom shelves that worked on an obscure conveyer belt. Or giant aliens guarding the entrance to the cold sections. Lance was also pretty sure one of the cold sections was inside a _mouth_ , so that was different.

Apparently, some aliens were colder on the outside than on the inside.

Weird.

Hunk seemed right at home in the store, though, so that was fun to observe. It wasn’t often Lance got to see his friend totally at ease like this.

Pidge was drinking an alien juice pouch. Lance opted out of buying one for himself in favor of buying some new socks.

He’d only brought one pair from earth and he was sick of getting blisters whenever said socks were in the wash.

Which was, you know, _every other day because socks get nasty really quick._

Anyways. 

He’d not eaten since breakfast. As fun as running around the Space Mall was, Lance probably should have stopped by the food court. Hist stomach rumbled unhappily, prompting Pidge to look up at him with a smirk. 

“Hungry?” she asked innocently. Lance didn’t say anything, noting the ominous twinkle in her eyes. “Here. Have some of this.”

Lance took the pouch, tried a sip.

It was bone dry. He was about to call out Pidge on being a terrible friend when it struck him.

“This bitch empty!” he cried. “ _YEET!”_ With all the accuracy Lance could, he hurled the empty pouch at the back of Hunk’s head.

Bulls-eye.

They didn’t call him Sharpshooter for nothing.

Ok, no one called him Sharpshooter, but still. It was a nice thought.

“You are both absolute disgraces,” Hunk deadpanned without looking up from where he was watching the conveyor belt on the bottom shelf. Lance laughed as he looked at the shelves near him. Space beans, space greens, space dough, space spices, spac-

_HOLD UP_.

Space _dough_ ? Space _spices_?!

_He could make garlic knots._

Er, no not quite.

_He could ask_ (read: beg for) _Hunk to make him garlic knots_.

Pidge seemed to have a similar thought process as she spied literal, honest-to-goodness Jif™ peanut butter.

There was no escaping that heinous brand.

Lance preferred super chunky Skippy™ himself.

Hunk turned around to face the levitating cart and squawked when he found it full of junk food Lance and Pidge had hunted along with their treasures.

“Come on, guys, I’m not buying you all that mess,” he tried.

Pidge threw a thing of cheesy crackers shaped like Balmerian crystals at him.

Hunk fought a laugh as he put his hands on his hips: “Try me, bitch.”

They ended up buying one of each thing Pidge and Lance had found along with everything Hunk needed to restock his supplies.

***

Keith really knew how to waste time.

For a guy who was all about schedules and regimen and organization and non-shenaniganry and _blah blah blah,_ he was very much quite dangerous when left alone.

(Un)Luckily for him, Lance and Pidge got bored when Hunk found a store that sold utensils and he wouldn’t let them have a sword fight with the pretty forks.

Honestly, the man had no sense of atmosphere. 

Keith was exactly where he said he was going when the Paladins had arrived at the Space Mall.

He apparently hadn’t moved in over five vargas. Lance was trying to not be concerned about his mental health. Sure, the store of sharp things _was_ large, but it wasn’t _that_ large. Pidge looked at Lance, her eyes echoing his thoughts.

An idea struck. “Wanna help me educate Keith?”

“Why yes,” she nodded with a shark-like grin. “Yes, I do.”

“Well then,” Lance gestured forward in imitation of that bow/flourish hybrid thing he used to see butlers do in the old movies Veronica loved so much. “After you.”

Pidge broke into a run, Lance right behind her. “Keith!” she called. The dark-haired teen’s head shot up in surprise. “Let me see what you have!”

Keith arched an eyebrow beneath his bangs. “Uhhh… it’s a knife?” In illustration, Keith held up said knife so that Pidge and Lance could see.

This boy really was precious when he wanted to be.

“ _NO_!” Lance yelled immediately, startling Keith enough that he nearly fell into the glass display case behind him.

It was only his Galra/cat reflexes that saved him. 

By the time Lance and Pidge skidded to a stop in front of him, they were laughing so hard they could barely stand straight. Keith glared at them with a sort of terrified amusement.

“Why is me having a knife an issue?”

“No off-topic questions,” Pidge said, suddenly regaining her composure.

“Off-topic que-”

“That’s an off-topic question,” Lance joined, not quite as serious as Pidge. It wasn’t for lack of trying.

“Why won’t you answe-”

“Because I don’t want to,” Pidge informed the flustered teen.

“You have been stopped.” Lance grabbed Pidge’s arm and hopped gracefully onto Mooshu’s back (she’d been casually hovering closer while the three were talking). They took off in a cackling blur as Keith spluttered at their departure.

“ _WHY DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER COW?!_ ”

***

“Hey Pidge,” Lance called, looking up from a bright store display, “how much gak do you have?”

Pidge looked through her pockets, frowning slightly. “69 gak.”

“Ut- you know what that means!”

“I don’t have enough money for chicken nuggets!”

There was a beat of silence.

“Wait do you really only have 69 gak?”

“No, Lance. We don’t have _any_ gak.”

“Ah.”

Another beat of silence.

“Wanna look around, see if we can find some?” Pidge nodded at Lance, already racing for the exit.

“Bet I find more than you do!” Pidge called over her shoulder, missing the exit door and instead slamming into the frame.

***

The SpaceMall had fountains.

They were purple with crystal blue waters.

Lance was so happy.

He sat on the edge of the fountain, unaware of the shoppers that would give him weird looks and toss gak in. Pidge was in the fountain trying (and failing) to catch said gak.

She smirked to herself, noting how Lance’s focus was fully on the water he was trailing his hand through.

Time for some fun.

Moving carefully around the fountain- she couldn’t have Lance hearing her or seeing the excess ripples she caused- to stand behind Lance, Pidge grabbed his shoulders firmly and pushed him into the water. She jumped back to avoid the splash.

It didn’t save her. But it was _so_ worth the look on Lance’s face as he fell in, fully submerged.

“ _Pidge!_ ” he roared, jumping to his feet and dragging the cackling girl down into the water with him.

“Lance! Don’t-!”

“ _WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?”_ Lance shrieked. “ _WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?!_ ”

“Get out of the fountain before Shiro sees!” Hunk hollered across the corridor, having seen the entire exchange from behind a counter where a five tentacled alien was teaching him how to handle a large round slicing mechanism that would grow and shrink according to the size of its subject. 

Fascinating stuff, truly.

“If we get in trouble, I’m throwing you under the bus.”

Pidge crossed her soaking arms. “Fair.”

***

Those kids were awfully rambunctious.

_Too_ rambunctious. 

Eralkt the Third and Five Quarters had not made employee of the phoeb _five_ times in a row for nothing. He was observant. Vigilant. No-nonsense. 

The model SpaceMall guard.

He’d busted more than his fair share of juvenile delinquents in his quintant. Each one was the same: a group of ruffian punks who thought that they’d have fun at _his_ mall’s expense.

Not on Eralkt’s watch.

No way.

He grabbed his Galaxy-Issued Hover Hoover and made his way out of the security office. The target? Those two putzes in his fountain.

Honestly, the nerve of some aliens.

A scowl decorated his face below his large, quite bulbous and handsome schnozz and his vividly violet eyes narrowed dangerously. A growl made his throat slits vibrate angrily while two tentacles from his shoulder blades took the handles of the bright green Hover Hoover and revved them menacingly.

He sped down the SpaceMall corridor, passing confused shoppers left and right. As he approached the fountain, he noted the oddly placed black and white creature next to the annoying alien youth. They were soaking wet and arguing over something meaningless.

“Excuse me,” Eralkt harrumphed. Both aliens froze, their abnormally large eyes going even wider.

“Shit,” the smaller one whispered. The taller one smacked their shoulder.

“Language, Pidge. Show some respect.” Eralkt liked the sound of that. “Pidge” scowled at their taller comrade while said comrade walked forward carefully to the front of Eralkt’s Hover Hoover. “Uh, Sir? What exactly is this?” It gestured to the Hover Hoover.

“This? This is my Galaxy-Issued SpaceMall Security Hover Hoover.”

“A Hover Hoover, huh,” the alien mused, looking back at Pidge. “What do you think, Pidgey? Think you can figure out how this works?”

Pidge’s eyes, most confusingly, lit up instantaneously. “I should hope so, Lance.” The small alien hopped forward, tapping the front of the Hover Hoover gently but determinedly. Eralkt was about to tell them off for touching Galaxy Property when a small, innocuous panel opened.

Eralkt wasn’t aware that Hover Hoovers _had_ small, innocuous panels on their fronts.

“What-”

“There!” Pidge shrilled before turning to Lance. “Let’s go!”

Before Eralkt could process what the aliens were doing, they were both on the back of their strange being and whisking away in a blur of laughter and flying droplets of water. Eralkt revved his Hover Hoover, making to go after the hooligans.

He didn’t get that far.

A plume of smoke filled the surrounding area as the front of Eralkt’s Hover Hoover combusted suddenly, leaving a massive hole in the front of it.

“Oh no!” Pidge squeaked, sounding like they were trying desperately to hold in laughter.

“He _need_ some milk!” Lance called, sending both aliens over the proverbial edge of composure. They shrieked and laughed while Eralkt roared and yelled things that would _definitely_ lose him his title as “Employee of the Phoeb”.

At the moment though, he really didn’t care.

***

Shiro found out about their stunt.

Pidge and Lance were sent back to the castleship early.

Neither could say they were particularly sorry for their actions, though they were sorry that Allura and Shiro got chewed out by the angry security guard. Man, that guy could _lecture_.

Lance just _knew_ they were in for an extra-large helping of the “disappointed parent treatment” when the rest of the team returned. 

“What do you think it’ll be?” Pidge asked, breaking the silence. “Training? Or Lecture?”

“How about both?” Lance and Pidge jumped as Shiro’s voice stopped whatever Lance was going to answer.

This was going to _suck_.

***

“Honestly, I expected much worse from our gallant leader than pod duty with Coran and specialized training with Allura later,” Pidge admitted, sitting atop Lance’s shoulders to reach the top of the pods.

“Why did the Alteans not make these things horizontal?” Lance grumbled, adjusting his hold so that Pidge wouldn’t slide off. “This is so dumb.”

“The higher I am, the better I can see.”

“You can fly!”

“Hush now, Gregory,” Pidge fought a laugh. “I am searching.”

“Are you two done yet?” Coran popped his head into the medbay, taking note of the stacked Paladins with a raised eyebrow.

“Near- _Pidge DON’T REACH SO FA-”_

_Thud_.

“Ow!”

“That was not my fault.”

“You _dropped_ me!”

“More like you fell.”

***

Perhaps Pidge spoke too soon as far as punishment severity went.

She and Lance walked onto the training deck feeling fairly confident. Allura was there… wearing a triumphant smile… with a devious twinkle in her eyes… and a baker’s dozen training bots behind her…

Oh God, they were so _screwed._

They were going to die.

And- she and Lance turned to see the rest of the team watching from the sidelines- Allura was going to make their deaths into a public _spectacle_.

Say what you want, Allura could be one petty bitch when she wanted to be.

“We’re going to die,” Lance said quietly, blue eyes blown wide. Pidge nodded as he echoed her thoughts. 

“Good afternoon, Paladins!” Allura called cheerily.

A little _too_ cheerily, if you asked Pidge.

“Lance, Pidge, please step forward.” Allura gestured to the center of the training floor. They did. Pidge could hear Lance gulp nervously as he did so. “Take out your bayards.” They did. “Ready?”

Ready? Ready for what? What were they supposed to do?

“Wha-”

“Begin!”

At Allura’s command, the small army of training bots surged forward, instantly surrounding Lance and Pidge, who adjusted to stand back to back.

“How do you want to handle this?” Lance asked Pidge over his shoulder. 

“Don’t stop shooting.”

“Not the most detailed plan, but I like your thinking.”

“Uh, Allura,” Hunk called from the sidelines while Pidge and Lance fought. “What exactly are we doing here?”

“Why, Hunk,” Allura grinned deviously, “you three are my spectators. Watch closely, take mental notes. Lance and Pidge will need them for what comes next.”

“What exactly do you have planned?” Shiro asked with a nervous grin.

“You’ll see.”

During this ominous omelet of a conversation, Pidge and Lance were quickly discovering that they might need a more plan-based plan. The bots weren’t being taken down with kill shots or shocks. They’d be knocked down, sure, but they kept repairing themselves.

“Lance!” Pidge called over her shoulder. 

“What?”

“These guys are going to need a little more than a few bullet holes, dontcha’ think?”

“What’d you have in mind?”

“I think a little _Law and Order_ is in order, don’t you?”

“Girl, I like the way you think. Ready?”

“Hell yeah.”

Lance barked a laugh before picking up Pidge by the waist and swinging her around for maximum velocity. He released the girl with a cry of “ _Give me all your fucking MONEY!”_

Pidge held her bayard out in front of her, slashing through five robots in one even swing. With the momentum from his toss, Lance spun and fired six rapid-fire shots, taking out the last few robots.

“ _DUN-DUN!_ ” Hunk cheered from the sidelines. Shiro dropped his head in his hands. Allura and Keith shared baffled looks while Pidge and Lance high-fived.

“So then-”

“That was impressive,” Allura said honestly, her eyes betraying her frustration at how easily they completed their task. “Now then, let’s see you do it once more. Coran,” she called.

“Yes princess?”

“Let’s step it up a notch, shall we?”

***

“I ache,” Lance moaned.

“I’m so tired.” Pidge flopped an arm across her eyes dramatically.

“When are you not? You like, never sleep.”

“True. But now I’m dead.”

“I’m six feet under.”

“I’m beyond the grave.”

“Well, I’m, uh, deaderest than that.”

“Lance, that’s not even a word.”

“Yeah, buddy, don’t be so dramatic.”

“ _Et tu_ , Hunk?!” Lance gasped, sitting up from the floor of the kitchen where he and Pidge had been sprawled for the past varga. Hunk had been working around them fluidly as he made dinner for his friends. Pidge laughed at his betrayed (and very manly) shriek of offense. “Rude juveniles,” he snarled, barely fighting a laugh. “The lot of you.”

“Aw is Lance feeling cranky?”

“Take your negative vibes somewhere else,” Hunk threatened, holding a vibrant purple… whisk? Spatula? Something kitchen-y?

“Yeah!” Pidge seconded. Lance fixed them both with a look.

“I’ll have you know that I am a sweet treat. I am a fucking delight to be around, ok?”

A beat of silence. Then Pidge smirked at him.

“Nice.”

“Can I stay?”

“For that? Yes, you may. Hunk!” Pidge called suddenly.

“What?”

“Any samples?”

***

Dinner was, shockingly, (pfft yeah right it’s _Hunk_ ) _amazing_. It was bright yellow with army green filling, and tasted vaguely of apricots and mango, and it was amazing. Lance had no idea what it was. It vaguely resembled a burrito? Sort of?

Whatever. It was just what he needed after his grueling day of training. Allura had banned talking while training and wasn’t _that_ just excruciating? 

Thanks a lot, _Allura_.

Whatever. Now Lance could finally wind down for the day and take a little he-time. Mono-e-Lancy. Currently, he was thinking a bath with those new oils he borrowed (read: stole) from one of the hidden cabinets near the restrooms. Lance rationalized his actions as not quite stealing as so much as borrowing; Coran saw him and didn’t say anything, so Lance figured he was fine to proceed.

Lance bid the others _adieu_ after finishing his meal and made his way to the baths, stopping by his room to grab his stuff.

This was going to be _wonderful_.

***

“Hello, peasants!” Lance called, sauntering into Green’s hanger. Hunk and Pidge were there, working on a program to improve the speed of the Lion’s diagnostic scanning so they could pinpoint problems more quickly as well as have better methods to fix the issue. So far, they’d managed to halve the time, and Hunk was working on a simulator to pull solutions from.

“Hey, Lance!” Hunk greeted, looking up from his monitor. Pidge grunted an acknowledgment that may or may not have contained an insult. Hunk had gotten pretty good at interpreting his fellow nerd’s Gruntian and was 98.4% certain that he’d heard a fond “ _asshat_ ” in there.

And yes, it was fond. There was a slight drawl to the grunt when she liked the subject. 

Very important details.

Anyways. 

“Did you take a shower?” Pidge finally asked, noting the slightly damp sheen to Lance’s head. 

“No,” Lance deadpanned, running a hand through his bangs and flicking the excess water on his hands at Hunk, who jumped back with a giggle.

Pidge rolled her eyes with a smirk. “Care to explain then why you’re getting water all over my floor?”

“Actually, it’s-” Hunk started with a cheeky grin.

“People ask me how I get that wet look in my hair,” Lance cut in, noting the way both genius’ eyes grew in acknowledgment of the reference. “I tell them I use ‘Essence of England Gel’. They say ‘Oh what’s that’- _I use the fucking rain!_ ” 

Pidge snorted, dropping her head into her hands. “That was good. You are forgiven for getting my floor wet.”

“Technically it’s Coran’s floor.”

“Not the point, Hunk.”

“Yeah, the point is that I’m better at, how’d you say it Pidge? ‘Vinic’ references?” 

“I mean, he cleans it and takes care of the entire castle-”

“Oh, it’s _so_ on McClain.”

“-Most would assume that _Allura_ owns the castle, but it was actually her father who built this place (I think? Didn’t Coran mention that) originally, and Coran was his advisor-”

“How about a wager?”

“What did you have in mind?” Pidge asked, smirking.

“-and King Alphor left Coran in charge of taking care of Allura, which technically means that he outranks her _juuuust_ a little bit-”

“Best vine reference?”

“I like your thinking. Who’s going to ref?” Pidge turned away from her monitor, giving Lance her full attention.

“Shiro knows the references, but he’ll never agree.” Pidge nodded, knowing Lance was right about that.

“-And since there is no one else who knows the castle like he does, nor uses it as widely-”

“And Keith is oblivious,” Lance mused.

“What else is new?”

“-Ergo-”

“Hunk,” Lance exclaimed suddenly.

“Don’t worry. He’ll finish the rant in a minute.”

“No, Hunk can ref!”

“Lance, you’re a genius! Hunk!”

“-these are not your floors, Pidge. They’re-”

“Hunk!’ Lance tried again.

“-Coran’s floors.”

“ _Hunk._ ”

_“What_?”

“Want to ref our Vine bet?” Pidge asked hopefully. Hunk blinked.

“Sure?”

“Awesome! Thanks, man!” Lance called as he raced out of the room. “Go to bed at a decent time- we have a mission tomorrow!”

“Yeah yeah,” Pidge acknowledged dully, turning back to her monitor. Lance skidded to a stop, putting both hands on his hips and raising an eyebrow.

“Hunk?”

‘“Don’t worry- I’ll make sure of it. Go to bed.”

“You’re the best. Knock on my door when you two head out. I’ll do a sweep later to make sure she stays off-grid for the night.”

“I can hear you both, you know. Your plots will do nothing to deter my work,” Pidge grumbled, typing furiously.

“Sounds good, buddy.”

“You’re both awful.”

“Love you Hunky, Pigeon.”

“Go _away_ , asshat!”

“G’night, Lance!”

***

The sweep was a good idea. Lance polished his bayard for a little while and cleaned up his room until he heard Hunk knock. He called out a soft “thanks!” before heading to his bathroom to start his nighttime skincare regimen. After a varga, right after getting his face mask on, Lance crept out of his room, checking Pidge’s room when he passed it. Empty. He jogged over to Green’s hanger, predictably finding a soft light emitting out the door.

“Piiiigeooon~” Lance sang, sliding into the hanger. “You have t-minus five vargas before our mission to the nearest jungle planet, which, if my memory serves, is the minimum amount of rest our fearless leader Shiro ordered for us this fine evening. So!” Lance clapped his hands, noting with mild concern how badly Pidge jumped at the sudden noise. “Up and at ‘em! Time for bed!”

“I’m not done yet,” Pidge mumbled.

“Well, that’s the great thing about space: we have more than all the time in the world! Because we aren’t on any world! Space is infinite, and we have all its time. Ergo, you can leave this and come back after our mission tomorrow! Now. Are you going to come quietly, or am I going to drag you?”

Pidge continued to work, resolutely not looking at Lance.

“Hokie Dokie,” Lance said cheerfully, leaning over to scoop Pidge up. She squawked in his arms as he slung her over his shoulder like a Pigeon Potato Sack. Once she was secured, Lance turned off her laptop and tucked it under his free arm. “You’ll get your laptop back during breakfast- I’ll give it to Shiro if I see him before then. He’s nicer than I am.”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed,” Pidge snarked, digging her elbow into Lance’s shoulder blade. He shook her lightly. 

“I’ll drop you, Pidgey.”

“No you won’t.”

“‘No you won’t’”, Lance mimicked, jumping up and down lightly, ”won’t I?” Pidge yelped as he bent his legs on the landing so his shoulders dipped more.

“You’re so annoying.”

“You,” Lance chuckled, “are _boring_ : B-O-R-N-I-N-G.”

“I hate you.”

Lance opened up Pidge’s door before walking carefully inside. 

“That was good and you know it,” he chuckled, depositing the girl on her bed gently.

“I plead the fifth.”

“Go to _sleep,_ Pidge.”

***

“Good morning, Vietnam!” Lance called, running onto the bridge. He had Pidge’s laptop in hand. 

“Ooh!” Pidge gasped, eyeing her technological friend. “Gimme.”

“Shiro,” Lance complained, “Teach your child some manners.”

Pidge sputtered angrily, snatching the laptop from Lance’s hands while Shiro, without looking up from the tablet Allura was showing him battleship plans on a tablet, distractedly said, “Pidge, don’t be grabby.” 

Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Pidge, all froze before Lance burst out laughing, Hunk right after him while Keith fought a chuckle and Pidge whirled around, glaring at Shiro. 

Shiro looked up. “What?”

“Thank you, Space Dad” Lance giggled. Keith shook his head in astonishment.

“What?”

“You’re hopeless, Shiro.”

***

“Why do all jungle planets have to be so quiznaking _hot_ ?” Lance complained, drinking a heavy gulp of his water. Thank goodness for Altean water bottles. They kept everything at the exact temperature to suit their situation. His water was icy cold and it was _delicious_.

Pidge and Lance had elected to not tell Shiro or any of the other others about their bet, and Hunk had been sworn to secrecy on the condition that if things went too far, he could tattle. 

Pidge’s words, not Lance’s.

Keith had been playing scout, running ahead and back to report like the Goldendoodle he was. Subsequently, he had used up most of his reserves trying to, oh, say, _not die of heat exhaustion_.

Did Lance mention this planet was quiznaking _hot_?!

It was.

“Lance,” Keith panted, knowing that Lance always had extra water on him (his suit had a little water bottle that would disappear into the armor much like his bayard. He could summon up to three, last he’d tested). “Can I have some of your extra water?”

Lance, of course, had no problem with that- the emo looked dead on his feet. But, first, he shared a sinister look with Pidge before replying, “It’s not water.”

Keith blinked.

“Vodka! I like your style,” Pidge jumped in. 

Keith blinked again.

“It’s vinegar,” Lance deadpanned, whirling to face Pidge and Keith. Hunk was behind Shiro at the front, trying his best to not laugh. Lance reached for his hip, summoning a water bottle before holding it out to Keith while hissing, “ _pussy_ ” to Pidge, who laughed and stuck her tongue out at him.

“Language, Lance.”

“You know as well as I that I do this for the vine, O fearless leader.”

Shiro didn’t respond. Pidge snickered. Keith took greedy gulps of his water, eyes absolutely full of confusion. Hunk gave Lance a fist-bump.

“Hunk.”

“Yes, Shiro?”

“Don’t encourage the Meme Team back there.”

“Sorry, Shiro.”

***

Not shockingly, Pidge was the next one to break the silence. 

“You ever want to talk about your emotions, Hunk?”

“No.” 

“I do,” Lance jumped in.

“I know, Lance,” Pidge sighed.

“I’m sad.”

“I know, Lance.”

“No more vine references until we get back to the castle, understood?”

“Stop rhyming, I mean it!” Pidge cackled, doing a lovely imitation of Shiro right along with it.

“Anybody wanna peanut?” Lance giggled back, trying, along with Keith and Hunk, to not laugh lest they offend Shiro. 

“ _Understood?_ ”

“Yes, boss-fearless-leader-captain-great-one sir!”

“ _Lance._ ”

“Yes, Shiro.”

***

“Hey Lance,” Shiro grunted into his comms, ducking behind a tree for cover. They’d been ambushed. How, he had no idea. Coran had said the planet was uninhabited save for a few locals. Their mission had been to locate said locals and ask them for information on the Galra in their system. Hopefully, they would also be able to get supplies from them before heading to the next planet. Shockingly, not only had the planet _not_ been uninhabited, it was, in fact, crawling with Galra soldiers. “Remember what I said about the vines?”

“ _Yeah?_ ” Shiro could hear Lance’s blaster fire through the comms as Lance sniped from his vantage point in one of the trees.

“I changed my mind.”

“ _What do you need me and Pidge to do?_ ”

“I need time for Keith, Hunk, and me to flank these soldiers and take them out. Think you two can distract them long enough for that?”

“ _No problem, Shiro_ ,” Pidge affirmed. “ _Lance, shall we?_ ” Shiro took off in the brush as he heard Lance hop down gracefully nearby to meet up with Pidge.

***

“Gasp!” Lance said. He said the _word_ “gasp”.

Weirdo.

“Hey! Pidge!” 

“What?” As predicted, most of the galra froze at their rather loud shouting. No one could ever tell Pidge that she didn’t know how to project. She had one fateful year of choir in middle school to thank for that. Lance was a thespian. It was expected.

“Look at all ‘dos chickens!” Lance squealed, gesturing broadly to the gathered soldiers. A wave of confusion flitted over their faces.

“They don’t know what chickens are?” Pidge cooed, playing innocent. “Aw that’s _precious_.”

“Oh, so you think _they’re_ precious?” Lance huffed, crossing his arms in front of him. Pidge straightened up, feigning fear.

“L-Lance! It’s not what you think!”

“I won’t hesitate, _bitch!”_ In one fluid motion, Lance had his bayard out and fired several shots expertly, downing the first few Galra in the huddled mass. 

“ _NOW!_ ” Shiro yelled, understanding Lance’s signal before the shocked Galrans could.

“Nice work, Pidgey,” Lance remarked as he rammed his shield into the ground to fight from behind. She nodded back at him before preparing to leap into the fray.

“ _Pidge, circle to your left and meet up with Keith. You two will need to go to the base we found and get any information you can find. Can you handle that?_ ”

“No problem, Shiro. Lance,” Pidge looked at him seriously from behind her own shield, “are you good here?”

“Of course! Go do your tech thing with the Mullet.”

“ _You know that I can hear you, right?_ ”

“ _Stay focused! The sooner we get that intel, the sooner we can leave._ ”

A chorus of varying “ _Yes Shiro_ ”’s and responses parroted back through the comms.

***

The mission was a success!

Yaaay.

It was safe to say that Team Voltron was _exhausted_ , however. They all made the collective decision to forgo showering in favor of just collapsing in the common room on the floor between the couches in a sweaty heap of half-dressed and bleary-eyed paladins. 

Allura and Coran chose to forgo the mission debrief in favor of letting their Space family take the rest of the day off to rest..

If Allura found Pidge’s phone and chose to take a picture, who would tell? Coran certainly wouldn’t.

Nor would he save the photo to the castle database and have it printed to frame in his quarters.

Definitely not.

***

“We should do a weapon swap day.”

Table talk froze. Keith looked at Lance like he’d grown a second head. “A what?”

“A weapon swap. You know, we all rotate bayards.”

“We don’t have the black bayard, Lance. What would Shiro do?”

“He’ll have to use a bayard. Duh. “Keith bristled slightly, but didn’t interrupt. “Someone else will have to rely on a hand-to-hand combat enhancer.”

“We have those?”

“I’m not _that_ terrible at planning things, guys. Sheesh. As if I would give you all such a horrendously half-baked plan.”

“I think it sounds really fun,” Hunk offered from the sidelines.

“And that is why you are my best friend.”

  
  


***

“Alright, Lance,” Shiro said, giving Lance the floor, “since this is your plan, how do you want to do this?”

“Hm…” Lance thought for a moment. “Circle up, pala-dudes!”

There was a beat of silence. Then: “Never call me that again, asshat.”

“Watch your mouth, Pidge.”

“Sorry, Shiro. Never call me that again, you donkey sombrero.”

“Hunk, don’t laugh at her! That was rude!”

“Sorry, Lance. She caught me off guard, is all.”

“Stay focused, team.”

“Right! Uh, since we’re all in this remarkably even circle- were you all like this in grade school? Your teachers must have _loved_ you- I figure we just rotate bayards left to right.”

Shiro passed the metal gauntlets Lance and Coran had dug out to Pidge. Pidge passed her bayard to Hunk. Hunk passed his bayard to Keith, who passed his bayard to Lance. Lance gave Shiro his bayard with a satisfied smile and a thumbs up. 

“Back to you, Fearless Leader.” Shiro quirked a smile at Lance’s finger-gunning with the statement.

“Alright, team. Take five to get acclimated to the controls of your weapon, then we’ll start with level one and see how far we can get.”

The paladins spread out across the training room. Keith had a look of minor consternation as he hefted Hunk’s cannon. 

“Keith, you’re doing great!” Hunk called across the room.

“Don’t you ever get tired of,” Keith grunted as he adjusted his grip,” hauling this around?”

“Well, look at the guy, Keith,” Lance cut in. “He’s the size of the boulder- in the best way, man, you know I love you. Maybe the bayard will adjust to your… difference in stature?”

Keith shot the Cuban boy a glare for his choice in phrasing, but didn’t comment. Instead, his eyes closed in concentration. Within a moment, the weapon had shrunk to be within proportion with Keith’s more slender frame. 

“Nice!” Hunk cheered. “Hey, wonder if that’ll work with-” on cue, Pidge’s bayard grew to accommodate Hunk’s larger hands. He gasped happily. “Awesome sauce.”

Lance hooted as Keith’s blade flashed into existence. Pidge looked up from the massive gauntlets barely hanging onto her wrists. 

“Hey, would anyone be offended if I didn’t… uh… use these?”

“Oh, Pidge!” Lance cackled. “You look like my sister Veronica playing dress up in my mother’s closet!”

“Did I fucking ask?”

“Language-”

“Aw, don’t get mad Pidgey. It was a compliment. And yeah- there are some other basic weapons if you want to try one of those.”

“Uh-huh. I’ll be back.”

“Okay! Hey, Keith,” Lance called,” how do I look?” Lance struck a pose. Surprisingly enough, his form wasn’t terrible. Keith’s eyebrows raised in interest.

“Your stance is too wide. Find 60-40% weight distribution from the pads of your feet to your heels for better balance and more fluid movement.”

“Since when can you handle a sword?” Hunk asked, swiping the green blade in the air experimentally.

“Oh well,” Lance waggled his eyebrows. “It’s one of my many interests.”

“Your what?” Keith asked, bemused by Pidge’s answering shout of “ _Don’t do it until I get back in there!_ ”

Lance huffed, going into a resting stance. “Well then hurry up! How many choices do you have for basic weaponry?”

“I’m coming!” Pidge skidded into the room with a long spear in hand. “Ok! Now you can do it.”

“Do _what_?!” Keith asked. Shiro watched with a little bit of resignation and a lot bit of fondness.

“Explain his interests,” Pidge explained simply. Lance grinned wolfishly, swinging the sword idly.

“Like I really want to teach yoga and zen and overall centered-ness, but I also like to kill and _stab_ people on the weekends!” Lance made a dramatic thrust with the sword, but forgot the whole “60-40” thing and toppled over with the momentum.

Keith blinked. “This is one of those pop culture things you two have been regurgitating for the last week and a half, isn’t it,” he deadpanned while Hunk and Pidge _howled_ with laughter. Lance brushed himself off and looked over at Shiro sheepishly. 

“We’re ready now!”

“I can see that,” Shiro chuckled, ignoring Keith’s exasperated “Am I the only one who doesn’t know what you guys are talking about?!”

“Now then,” he said, holding up Lance’s blaster expertly. Lance huffed to himself. _Of course_ , Takashi _quiznaking_ Shirogane would be the best at acclimating on the spot. “Coran! Start level one, please!”

Pidge twirled her spear around once or twice, getting used to the weight distribution. Four training bots appeared from the ceiling. 

“I thought we were on training level one!” Lance complained, dropping into a defensive stance.

“Oh, but you are, Number Three!” Coran called cheerily through the intercom. “Allura, Shiro, and I have been working on a separate team training regimen for situations just like this!”

“Honestly, I don’t know why I’m even shocked anymore,” Lance muttered with a baleful look at Shiro, who grinned sheepishly.

“You and I both know that the team was getting bored facing only one training bot.”

“No comment,” Pidge laughed as Lance gave a dead-inside look at his leader. “Hey, Lance. I got one for you.”

“Oh?”

“Pidge,” Shiro warned.

“Oh come on, Shiro! Give me this one!”

“Fine. Team, split into groups of two max. Work together.”

“Let’s go, Lance,” Pidge grinned, giving a quick nod to the Blue Paladin before getting ready to attack. “Don’t fuck with me!” she cried, giving a quick flourish with her spear. “I have the power of God and anime on my side!” 

Lance fought a giggle as he advanced. “Wait- but-”

“ _AHHHHHHHHHHH!_ ” Pidge launched herself forward, leaping over the bot’s shoulder and bashing it backward with a downward strike through her legs. The spear stuck satisfyingly, sending sparks popping as the target flew with the direction of Pidge’s hit. The robot rocketed towards Lance, who skewered it with a fluid motion. 

“Are you two done?” Shiro called, definitely not laughing. 

“Actually, yes. Nice work, Spear-Master.”

“Thanks.”

“Hunk,” Keith turned toward the paladin he’d partnered up with. “I’m not giving you your bayard back ever.”

Hunk laughed. “Pidge,” he called. She looked up. “You can have your bayard back when this is done.”

“Aw, do you not like it?” she chuckled, noting the awkwardness of the small weapon against Hunk’s… hunkiness.

“Think we’re ready for level two, team?”

“ _Fuck_ yes!”

“Pidge!”

“What?”

***

“Nice job, Lance,” Shiro praised as the team exited the training deck. “That was a really good plan for bonding and learning to connect with the bayards more intimately.”

“Thanks, Shiro,” Lance said, trying to not preen under his hero’s acknowledgment. “But I think the truly wonderful part of today is the lesson we learned. More importantly, the lesson _you all_ learned.”

“Uh, I guess?” Shiro fumbled, eyebrows furrowed. Lance grinned.

“So,” Lance clapped his hands together conspiratorially, “this leaves one important question that we have finally answered.”

“What’s that?” Pidge jumped in, ears perking at the mention of a question. The girl has a sixth sense for mysteries. It’s downright disturbing sometimes.

“What sound does my blaster make?”

The entire team glared at him before walking off. Lance laughed. 

“Ah- _ha!_ So I was right! _Pow pow pow!_ ”

“That’s not the noise it makes!” Keith countered. “It’s more like a… like… a…”

“Like a ‘pow’?” Lance offered. Keith pursed his lips angrily. He didn’t need to be verbal to answer that question. Lance whooped in triumph.

“I refuse to acknowledge you right now,” Pidge called over her shoulder.

“You know you love me!”

***

Lance was pulled from his beauty routine that night from a knock at his door. “Come in!” he called. Hunk was sitting on his bed, going through the magazines while they both waited for Pidge to arrive for their sleepover.

Keith stepped in. “Hi Hunk,” he greeted. “Lance?”

“Hi, Keith! What do you need?”

“What’s that smell?” Keith scrunched his nose. “Coconut?”

“It’s called conditioner. You should try it.”

“I do- what- nevermind,” Keith sputtered. “Shiro wanted me to ask you if you had any shaving cream.”

Lance walked out of the bathroom with forced nonchalance. “No, I don’t like the way it tastes.”

“Oka- You eat shaving cream?”

“Lance…” Hunk warned. “Play nice.”

“No, why would I eat it if I don’t like the way it tastes?” Lance cried, jokingly affronted.

Keith stared at him, with a haunted look. Lance fought a laugh.

“Here,” Lance tossed his can of shaving cream to Keith. “Shiro’ll explain.” 

“It was nice seeing you, Keith!” Hunk called as Keith backed out of the room silently. “You really shouldn’t tease him like that,” he admonished once the door closed.”

“It’s not teasing! It’s inclusion!”

“Admit it: you just like knowing something that Keith doesn’t.”

“That’s just an added bonus.”

***

Lance had discovered a new mode for his bayard. 

Blanks. 

Well, they weren’t exactly blanks, but they were fairly harmless. All it was was a little puff of water that had a range of about five meters.

Naturally, he went to show Pidge as soon as it happened. When he got to her, however, she was passed out on her workbench.

Well that simply wouldn’t do.

So Lance did the only logical thing he could: he stepped back two paces, lined up his shot, and arched a perfect stream of water through the air to land neatly on the back of Pidge’s head.

Not a drop of water hit the floor.

Suck it, gremlin.

Said gremlin woke with a startled gasp and slid out of her chair, landing in a heap on the floor. It took her a split second to connect the dots of her rude awakening to Lance’s barely contained laughter. She scowled angrily and for a moment Lance considered running.

“THIS IS WHY SHIRO DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU!”

***

“Pidge,” Lance moaned from the floor of the Green Lion’s hangar. “Piiiiidge.”

“What?”

“I’m boooooored.”

“Are you sure? You seem to have no problem finding ways to bother me.”

“First of all,” Lance sat up, pointing an accusatory finger, “rude. Second of all, it’s not like you’re doing anything interesting either.”

“I’m heckling you. That’s plenty interesting.” Lance flopped back down, unable to see Pidge where she sat on the Green Lion’s nose, laptop on her lap. 

“What are you doing up there?” Lance called after a beat of furious typing from Pidge.

“Hardcore Club Penguin fishing.”

“ _What_?”

“I’m kidding. I was banned from that site a long time ago.”

“Do you even get internet access from here?”

“Oh yeah. No one ever told you the WiFi password? It’s ‘gu11ib1e’ with three ones.”

“Hardee-har-har, Gremlin.”

“I’m hilarious and you know it.”

The two lapsed into silence.

Lance got an idea: “Wanna play a game?”

“Why not?” Pidge sighed, feigning resignation. Lance stuck out his tongue in her general direction. He could hear the muffled thud as she hopped down from Green before walking over and flopping down near him with a groan. “What’s the game?”

“One person says someone on the team, the other has to come up with a meme that defines them.”

“Nice. You start.”

“Shiro.”

“Easy.” Pidge took a deep breath. “ _I don’t get no sleep cause of y’all, y’all never gonna sleep cause of me-!_ ”

“Good one!” Lance cackled. “Your turn.”

“Hunk,” a new voice called from the doorway. Both Paladins on the floor jumped up, relaxing when they caught sight of Hunk himself, watching and trying to not laugh.

“Stahp,” Lance drawled, glaring. “I could’ve dropped my _croissant_.”

“Yeah that’s pretty accurate.”

“Hey!” Hunk protested.

“Wanna join our game?”

“Sure.” After a moment, the original Garrison Trio was sitting in a circle on the hangar floor happily exchanging memes and references about their favorite Space people.

“Coran,” Pidge offered confidently.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. And weasels. Those little bastards will get you-” Hunk chortled. “Allura.”

“Lance, follow my lead.”

“Aye-aye.”

“Hey, so I think you’re pretty cute and I was wondering if you would like to go ou-”

Lance flipped nonexistent hair over his shoulder, holding a finger to silence Pidge. “Pretty cute? I’m a _goddess_.”

“Allura and Shiro!” Pidge called. Immediately, Hunk turned to Lance.

“How do you know what’s good for me?”

“That’s my _opinion!_ ” Lance shrilled back.

All three blinked twice before they collapsed into laughter, then shrieked when Keith called out, “What about me?”

“What is it with people and sneaking in here?!” Lance wheezed. Pidge, after recovering, looked at him critically. 

“Hmm…”

“I got it!” Lance snapped his fingers excitedly. Pidge gave a “ _well go ahead_ ” gesture. He stood up. “C’mere, Samurai!”

“Uh… okay?”

Once he had gotten to where Lance was, Lance gave a dramatic hand flick his way, saying “In the winter I like to dress in a cozy black jacket, shirt, and jeans. In the summer I wear the same thing because I look good in black and I’m willing to suffer.”

“Damn,” Pidge said quietly. “You really nailed him.”

Choosing to ignore that, Keith sat down between Pidge and Lance in the circle they’d formed. “So everyone else knows what these things are?”

“Vines? Yeah.”

Keith looked down, not wanting to admit weakness to this sometimes morally unpredictable crew. “Would you be willing to teach me?”

Pidge nodded sagely. “Welcome to Vinic Teachings 101, young grasshopper.”

“Why can’t you just say ‘Vines 101’?”

“No one asked you, asshat.”

“What are you four doing in there?” Shiro asked from the doorway.

Pidge, thinking quick, cried out “Welcome to Bible study; we’re all children of Jesus!”

Shiro laughed as he walked down the hallway with a chorus of _“KUMBAYAAA MY LOORD_ ” following him.

***

“ _Lance?_ ” Shiro called into the comms. “ _Pidge? What’s your status?_ ”

“We’re nearly done here, Shiro _._ How are things with the others?” Lan _ce_ answered, knowing that Pidge didn’t have the focus to waste on an answer.

_“We’re wrapping things up over here. Meet at the Black Lion in five?”_

“Can do, Cap’n.” Lance went off the comms, going back to the control room door to be the lookout. So far, things had been quiet. Hunk, Shiro, and Keith had made a large enough mess on the opposite side of the ship to distract pretty much all Galran personnel.

While the ship was dealing with three badass paladins, Pidge and Lance were taking all their information and planting bombs in their vital control rooms/generator rooms. All they had to do now was finish downloading the final files left on their database and activate the bombs before skeeting their way out (Lance’s terminology, not Pidge’s).

Lance was about to ask Pidge about their status (for, like, the 14th time- Pidge might kill him) when heavy footsteps thundered down the hallway. His eyes widened. Those weren’t the steps of robots or drones.

There were Galran soldiers.

They’d figured out the trick.

Shit.

“Pidge,” he hissed, leaning outside for a better view of the approaching hostiles.

“I’m almost done!”

“How long?”

“3 doboshes.”

“We don’t have that time!”

“What? Sure we do-”

“There are Galrans on their way.”

“Shit,” Pidge hissed. “How many?”

“Too many for us to take on alone.” Lance tapped the side of his helmet. “Shiro!” he called.

“ _What’s your ETA? A new wave of Galran soldiers has hit- we need to go._ ”

“They figured out what our plan was, Shiro,” Lance said, urgency making his words clipped. “We need back up.”

Shiro grunted in the comms, and Keith joined in. _“We can’t get to you. They’ve got us pinned in the hangar where we docked the Black Lion.”_ There w _as a_ pause, then a yell of pain. 

Hunk: _“Shiro!”_

Keith: _“Get over here as soon as you_ can! _We can’t stall for much longer!”_

Shiro: _“I’m fine. Lance, Pidge, do what you can, but get back as soon as possible. We need to leave.”_

Keith: _“Like hell you’re fine. You need a pod!”_

Lance: “Keith, how bad is it?”

Keith: _“Laser blast to the shoulder- through and through.”_ Lance cursed quietly.

Pidge: “How long do we have?”

Hunk: _“There are more soldiers coming. I don’t know how long we’ll be able to hold them off-_ ”

The comms cut off suddenly. Pidge and Lance looked at each other, eyes wide.

“What do we do?” she asked. Lance bit his lip, looking around the room.

“Find us a way out of this room.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Stall. They’re nearly here.”

“But-” Lance summoned his shield outside the doorway for cover and crouched behind it, bayard ready.

“Just do it, Pidge!”

A tick passed. Lance fired several shots down the hall, catching the soldier who had just entered it in the shoulder. He fell with a strangled yell. The other Galrans quickly raced for cover, returning fire when they could.

“I’ve got it!” Pidge hollered. “We can take the vents to the room adjacent to us and have a clear shot to the others!”

“Go! I’ll cover you.” Pidge didn’t respond, but Lance could tell she was hesitating. “I’ll be right behind you. I promise,” he reassured.

“Okay.” 

Lance grit his teeth as a shot grazed his arm. He was fine, though. It was superficial.

Maybe.

He didn’t have time to check.

“I made it! Come on, Lance!” Pidge’s voice rang through the vents, Lance barely able to hear it over the gun fire. 

“On my way!” Lance tried to throw himself through the doorway, narrowly avoiding a shot towards his head that forced him to stay put. He needed a distraction to pull this off. Lance looked at his bayard, not knowing what he needed, but knowing that he needed something else. His eyes widened as his blaster changed in a flash of light, not unlike the way that Hunk’s blaster had changed size for Keith. 

It was a grenade launcher.

Sweet.

Lance jumped to his feet screaming “ _Y’all ugly!_ ” and firing three shots into the mass of purple furries. He used the cover the resounding explosions gave him to dive through the door, lock it shut with an easy shot to the control panel with his blaster, and quickly slide through the vent that Pidge had found. She was waiting on the other side, typing on the computer conveniently located in the room. 

“Do we have everything now?” Lance panted. Pidge looked up, grim triumph in her gaze.

“Yup.”

“Let’s go.”

Lance led the way, running through the corridor to where he could hear the sounds of fighting. “We’re nearly there!” he called into his comms.

There was no answer.

“Aw,” a husky voice sounded behind the two paladins. “Are your comms not working?”

“Lemme guess,” Lance drawled casually. “EMP?”

“Close range,” the hulking Galran soldier affirmed. “You are smarter than you look.”

“Nah,” Lance shifted his stance, raising his blaster. “I just listen to the resident genius. Pidge,” he said hurriedly, “go help the others. I’ve got him.”

“What? No-”

“We know they need help. Go!” Pidge looked at him, a battle waging in her gaze. “I’ll be fine. We don’t know if they will. Please.” She nodded firmly once before taking off.

“So, Popeye,” Lance greeted once she’d disappeared. “It’s just you and me.”

“So it is. How unfortunate for you.”

Lance didn’t see the hammer coming until it was too late.

***

“Hey!” Pidge roared, skidding to a stop behind the Galrans closing in on her friends. “You missed one!”

Keith’s head popped up. “ _Pidge!_ ” he called into the comms. “ _Where’s Lance?_ ”

“He made a friend! He’ll be here soon!”

“ _You left him?_ ” Hunk yelped, dodging a swing. The fight was turning in their favor, not only because of the addition of another Paladin, but also because the Galrans had enemies on all sides now.

“He told me to! We had to make sure you three were ok! We couldn’t reach your comms- one of the Galrans had a short range EMP that took out our comms while we were in the radius.”

“ _We need one of those_ ,” Hunk mused idly, firing his bayard and taking down enemies.

_“That EMP means that we can’t contact him- he’s entirely on his own,_ ” Keith realized. Pidge’s eyes widened at the statement.

_“_ Can anyone reach the castle?”

_“We’ve already tried,”_ Hunk affirmed. “ _No connection._ ”

_“Do you know where Lance is?”_ Shiro asked, voice taut with pain and stress.

“He was down the corridor I came from- he should be here soon.”

“Let’s hope so.” The Green Paladin finally was able to see her team, no longer needing the comms to allow her to talk to them. Something that Pidge didn’t know was tight loosened in her chest at the sight of her spacefamily relatively unharmed. They were scuffed and bruised, Keith had a cut on his cheek that was hidden mostly by his helmet, and Shiro’s flesh arm was basically incapacitated. The fight was dying down, but Pidge wasn’t so sure it was only because of her arrival. It was almost like… like some soldiers had left.

“Does anyone else think that we’ve lost some soldiers?” Hunk asked nervously, voicing Pidge’s thought.

“You noticed that too? They must have retr-” Keith added.

“Oh my God,” Pidge interrupted. “Oh my God.”

“What, Pidge?” Shiro asked.

“Shit. Fuck. _Shit!_ ” Pidge ducked under a shot from a soldier, launching her grappling blade at him and shocking him to unconsciousness. “They didn’t retreat!”

“What?!” Keith asked worriedly, slashing through two more hostiles.

“They didn’t retreat,” she said again. “They were reassigned! The soldiers we left must have caught wind and doubled back around to see where we went- _fucking shit dammit dammit dammit-_ ”

“Pidge!”

She slashed through another soldier, turning to lock eyes with Keith and Shiro. “They’re going for Lance.”

***

Lance flew back from the force of the hit, feeling his chestplate crack rather than hearing it. He slammed into the wall behind him with a gasp before falling to the floor in a heap. His head smacked the ground hard enough to somehow knock off his helmet.

Well that wasn’t good.

“What was that you told your green friend? ‘I’ll be fine?’” Popeye smirked, picking Lance up by the neck. “Care to reevaluate your statement?”

Lance spat in his face. He couldn’t speak.

Whatever. Actions speak louder than words anyways, right?

Popeye howled in rage and dropped the Cuban, aiming a kick blindly that Lance rolled to dodge. 

“How’s that for a reevaluation?” he snapped, rising to his feet. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, dulling what he was sure was going to be some nasty bruising tomorrow. 

If he lived to tomorrow.

“I’m not sure you’re worth my time, Paladin,” Popeye snarled, wiping his face with a disgusted huff.

“Well, that’s a shame,” Lance deadpanned, summoning his blaster once again. “Is there someone else you had in mind to beat into the floor?”

“What was the name of that pretty little friend of yours?” Lance’s eyes widened. “Pidge, was it? She and I could have quite the time together. It is a she, isn’t it? After all, I doubt you’d show such…” he licked his lips, “care, to a member that was male.”

“Shut up,” Lance said fiercely.

“So I’m right! You _do_ care for this team member. Perhaps I’ll make you watch as I tear her limb. From. Limb. Wonder if she’ll beg-”

“ _Shut up_ , you sick, demented-”

“Why do you defend her even now? She _abandoned_ you to join your team.” Did Popeye think Lance was stupid? He’d _sent_ Pidge away on _purpose_.

And right now, he was really glad he had.

“She’s my sister. I’d die for her.”

“Perhaps you shall. Maybe I’ll make her watch me kill you. If your whole team is as stupidly… _soft_ as you, wonder what it would do to them to know how you _begged_ for death, for me to go after one of them instead. To go after _Pidge-_ ”

“ _SHUT UP!_ ” Lance launched himself forward, smacking Popeye across the jaw with the butt of his blaster. Popeye rolled with the hit, using the momentum to swing that damn hammer of his and knock Lance down the hallway. He rolled several feet, coming to a stop when he hit some pointy toes.

They weren’t Paladin toes.

_Oh shit._

Popeye had called for backup. That’s why he’d been monologuing so hard. 

He’d been stalling.

_Dios_ , Lance was so _stupid_. 

“Evening,” Lance said cordially. “I don’t suppose you’re _not_ here to capture me?”

A barely dodged stomp was his answer.

“Rude!” he yelped, staggering to his feet. Shots flew as he summoned his shield, shooting blindly behind him to keep Popeye from playing whack-a-mole while Lance’s back was turned. He was rewarded with a growl of pain. 

Team Sharpshooter? Hell yeah. 

Did that sound much better with the physical team aspect? 

...Yes.

It’s fine. He’ll be fine. He just has to get back to his team and-

“Commander Krantock!” one of the soldiers called. “The paladins are cutting through the hanger defenses uncomfortably fast.”

“Pull all available units, then seal the doors. Make sure the Paladins’ only escape is without their…” he looked at Lance disdainfully “comrade.”

Lance stood frozen between the forces, eyes wide in fear. 

They were going to force his team to abandon him. 

_Dios_.

No no no nonononono-

Lance didn’t realize that he was saying it aloud until he registered Krantock laughing at him. 

“Aw, does that go against the little Paladin’s plans?” he taunted. The soldiers laughed with him. “Is it done?” he asked. Soldier One nodded. “Well, Paladin, how does it feel to be utterly defenseless?”

Fuck it. Lance wasn’t going to go along with this shitty powerplay. Two could play this game. 

“It feels amazing,” Lance grinned despite himself. Krantock scowled in confusion. “All those taunts you had about hurting my team? Making them watch me? Bullshit. You’ve given them a way out. They’ll take that way, they know that I’ll be fine. And, with that handy-dandy little EMP you were so cockily waving around? They won’t know what’s happened here- you will have nothing to leverage or use to hurt them. So tell me, how does it feel to be so utterly moronic, dipshit, that your threats threaten fucking _no one_?”

His Mama would _kill_ him if she heard him say such things around the house.

Shiro probably would too.

Ugh, he really missed Shiro right now. He’d know what to do aside from stalling and putting on a brave front. Panic and adrenaline were keeping away most of his pain, which was a major help. He could act fine better if he didn’t feel what were most likely cracked ribs and heavy bruising.

“I suppose you’re right, Little Paladin.” Krantock advanced swiftly, catching Lance around the throat (again, seriously?) and holding him fast against the wall. Lance scrabbled at his hands, trying to dislodge the iron-clad grip to no avail. Krantock turned to Soldier One again. “Turn on the sentry guns in the hangers. Don’t fire, not yet,” he added, feeling Lance’s limited breathing hitch. “But let them know they’re on. Also, block off that pesky little Lion of theirs. I’m sure our Emperor will quite enjoy this find. You see, you, my dear Little Paladin, have given me a lovely idea. You were right when you said that I couldn’t hurt your friends. At least, not physically. Fetch his helmet.”

“What are you doing?” Lance wheezed, subconsciously knowing exactly what Krantock was getting at but praying that he was wrong.

Krantock slammed the helmet onto Lance’s head, and the Blue Paladin saw stars.

“There’s more than one way to skin a- actually, there’s more than one way to hurt a Paladin,” Krantock chortled. “Just because I can’t touch them doesn’t mean I can’t make them wish they were dead.” Lance’s eyes bugged out of his head.

Of all the times to be right, it had to be now.

Krantock pulled Lance uncomfortably close to him, so close that when he spoke his breath left fog on Lance’s visor. “How do you feel about being my pawn for some psychological torture?” he whispered. Lance glared as hard as he could, wheezing a fierce “ _fuck you_ ”. Krantock scowled, hurling Lance a few meters away with a snarl. 

“You will do this because you will have no choice. I’m going to turn off the EMP in a moment. Your friends will be able to reach you, yes,” stupid Krantock probably noticed how Lance’s stupid eyes widened in stupid hope, “but that doesn’t mean they get to help them. You see, I have sentry guns trained on them. I give the word, your friends won’t be able to get their shields up fast enough to save that pearly armor from becoming a very expensive strainer.” Lance stood tso his full height, back against the wall he had just dented with Krantock’s assistance. “You let your friends catch onto my plan, or tell them to run, or help them get to you, or try anything funny- better yet, you do anything but _scream for your life_ , Little Paladin, you will be solely responsible for your friend’s deaths. And while they are on the ground, blleeding, I will make sure the last thing they hear is you as I break every bone in that fragile little body of yours. Do you understand me?”

Lance could only nod, blinking back frustrated tears.

This was all his fault.

His friends were going to suffer becuse of him.

He was so stupid, thinking he could out-rooster this guy.

So, so, _fucking_ _stupid_.

***

They were locked in the hanger. Keith had sliced through the last Galran drone, all the flesh and blood Galrans having evacuated suddenly after Pidge made the connection. The four Paladins shared a look before rocketing forward as a unit, making a beeline for the corridor Pidge had come from. 

Except, the corridor wasn’t there anymore.

Pidge skidded to a stop, a shocked gasp falling from her lips. She looked up at the large, metal door blocking their only route.

She turned around, locking eyes with the others. Keith’s eyes narrowed before he jerked back and raced across the hanger, hoping to find another way out. Pidge made to follow him, but the frustrated “ _Fuck_ ” that echoed back to them stopped her. 

“They’ve cut us off,” Hunk whispered, eyes wide with shock. 

“I can’t get to him,” Pidge admitted brokenly. “There are no controls for the doors on their server. They’re controlled manually.”

“Meaning?” Shiro asked, knowing and dreading the answer.

“We’re sitting ducks. _Lance_ is a sitting duck.”

“That’s what they think,” Keith growled, charging forward with his marmoran blade out and extended. His blade connected with the door as he swung with all the deadly force he could muster. A solid _TWANG_ rang through the space. Keith staggered back, eyes wide and disbelieving. “I-It’s Luxite. Luxite can cut through anything.”

“It can’t cut through Luxite though, can it?” Pidge reminded him glumly. Keith dropped his arms angrily, fury making his hands shake.

“We can’t just sit here and- and wait for them to get to us! To get to _him!_ To- to k-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Hunk interrupted, tone dangerous.

“Sorry,” Keith said finally, the tension draining from his being. “Lance… Lance will be fine. He’s Lance. Our sharpshooter.”

“Keith’s right,” Pidge spoke up quietly. “He wouldn’t have sent me here to you guys if he didn’t think he could handle himself.”

They all knew those were empty words. Lance would have sent Pidge to help them if he’d been facing Zarkon himself alone. He was fiercely protective of his team, and every crisis they faced showed them that more and more. 

They had no idea if Lance was okay. They had no idea if Lance was going to make it back to them. 

“We have to believe in Lance,” Shiro spoke finally, eyes filled with a pain beyond the physical wound in his shoulder. “He’s never let us down. He won’t leave us, and we won’t leave him.”

Pidge’s eyes narrowed. “Then wha-”

Loud whirring filled the room. Four sets of eyes shot to the ceiling.

“Sentry guns,” Keith and Shiro both breathed. 

“They aren’t targeting anything,” Hunk observed, eyes troubled. “Why aren’t they targeting anything?”

“We’re hostages,” Pidge explained, realization making her eyes sting. 

“Not yet,” Shiro assured. “We still have the Black Lion. We can-” Shiro was cut off by a loud thud that made the hanger’s occupants all jump. A door had been raised between the trapped Paladins and their exit.

“Shiro,” Hunk whimpered. “We’ve lost the Black Lion.”

All four Paladins shared a look of panic. 

_Now_ they were hostages.

***

“Go on, Little Paladin. Talk to your friends. Tell them about how much _fun_ we’re going to be having,” Krantock snarled, pushing Lance back forcefully. The Paladin was defenseless, unable to do anything with the fifteen laser guns ( _pow pow pow_ ) trained on him.

Lance mutely shook his head, glaring daggers at the commander. Krantock growled, surging forward to grab Lance’s left arm and wrench it behind him. Lance grit his teeth, trying to stifle a scream at the searing pain lancing through his senses.

He couldn’t hold it in, however, when a sickening pop made his eyes bug and his mouth drop open in a gasp of agony. He snapped his jaw shut through sheer force of will, breathing fast. He could hear his team in his ear. They were trying to figure out what to do. Pidge was explaining that she might be able to hack the sentry guns. Hunk was explaining what she’d have to get around. Keith, from the sound of it, was hacking at something. The door, Lance figured. Shiro was giving orders, keeping the team calm. He would intervene when Hunk and Pidge started talking in circles, or when Keith started cursing under his breath, and Lance could hear the too quick gasps in his comm.

But they were okay.

So Lance could be okay.

He could do this.

“Come on, Little Paladin,” Krantock urged. “Scream for me.” Krantock pulled further, forcing Lance’s arm out to the side. 

Lance’s vision whited out. An animalistic howl ripped it’s way from his throat before he could find the focus to stop it. 

“There it is,” Krantock preened. “There’s that gorgeous scream.” 

All of the sound in Lance’s ear stopped. Even Keith’s harsh breathing had gone silent. 

Then: “ _Lance?_ ” Pidge whispered.

“Aw, they found you,” Krantock cooed, releasing Lance’s arm roughly enough that it nearly knocked Lance to the ground from the agony of it. He inhaled and exhaled frantically, trying to ride out the pain. “Go on, Little Paladin. Answer them. Tell your friends what you’ve been up to. Tell them how you got caught. How you _failed them_.”

_“Lance?”_ Keith called. _“Lance, who is that?”_

Hunk: _“Are you okay?”_

Shiro: _“We’re coming for you, buddy. We aren’t leaving you alone.”_

_“_ No!” Lance gasped, eyes widening as he saw Krantocks hand twitch towards Soldier One. “No- don’t, gah, don’t come. Stay away-”

“Watch what you say, Little Paladin.”

_“Who is that?!”_

_“Keith!”_ Pidge suddenly. _“Shut up.”_

_“Hey-”_

_“Dammit, Keith!”_

_“Pidge, I know that you’re stressed, but-”_

_“Shiro_ ! _There are Galrans listening in! Shut. Up._ ”

There was a beat of silence. Lance was ashamed to find his eyes watering at the lack of his family’s voice in his ears. He fought a whimper. He failed.

_“Lance. Lance!”_ Shiro’s voice came through again, calm and strong. _“You’re doing great, buddy. We’re all here with you, no matter what happens.”_

“How touching. Do you think they are going to stand by you when I make you beg for your life?” Of course, Krantock was wired into their conversation.

“Stop it,” Lance whispered, hand slowly reaching down to his side where he could access his bayard. He had one chance to pull this off. If he messed up, it was game over.

“Watch your tone. I hold their lives in my hand.”

“Don’t you dare.”

_“Lance, Lance, talk to us,”_ Keith called, voice not wavering. Lance could hear the concern beneath the front. It made him smile. 

It didn’t make Krantock smile. He snarled, hefting his hammer in his right hand. Lance’s eyes widened. This was his chance. Right as Krantock began the swing, Lance fired his bayard. His original plan was to use his blaster, but, at the last minute, an idea struck.

He had a new toy to use.

Might as well go for it.

“Fuck you,” Lance snarled in kind. He fired twice in the direction of Krantock, and three towards the mob of soldiers still training their weapons on him. In theory, it was a great plan. He’d catch all parties by surprise and make a break for it. Then he’d get to his friends and, somehow, they’d all make it home to the castle safe and sound.

His plan didn’t account for his bum arm.

It didn’t account for a Galran having better reaction timing than an explosion.

It didn’t account for Krantock’s hammer following it’s path of motion even after Krantock went flying.

Or the untested blast radius of his grenades.

Or the fact that he was launched away from his friends. 

Or his vision blacking out immediately after firing.

Or the Galran soldiers recovering before Lance could get a grip on himself. 

Needless to say, his plan failed. Not only that, but he also managed to get some _definitely_ busted ribs and a hole in his shoulder (somewhere in the back of his mind it was noted how ridiculous it was that he managed to get shot in the same shoulder that his arm had popped out of). 

Guess he and Shiro were twinning today.

Speaking of his team…

They were losing their minds on the comms.

“ _Lance!_ ” Pidge yelled, “ _Lance what happened?!_ ”

Keith: _“Lance! Lance, come in!”_

Shiro: “ _Talk to us, buddy!_ ”

Hunk: “ _Let us know you’re ok, man!_ ”

Shiro: _“Pidge, where are you with those roadblocks?”_

Roadblock? What an odd way to say door. Besides, the doors were manual. Pidge couldn’t hack a pulley system.

“Well,” Lance coughed, pushing himself onto his hands and knees, “that was definitely not my smartest plan.”

Unless they meant a different sort of roadblock? An impediment maybe?

Four cries of “ _Lance!_ ” filled his ears before a fist closed around each of his wrists. He stiffened as his bad arm was jostled and wrenched above his head. Lance lost the chance to attempt a deep breath as he screamed through clenched teeth. He tried to center himself in the split second he had to think. His team was still fighting for him- he could fight for them. He could do this.

He could _do_ this. 

“Well, Little Paladin,” Krantock sneered. “It seems I’ve underestimated the depth of moronicness you’ll stoop to.”

“What can I say?” Lance smirked weakly, “I’m not a huge fan of the company I’m in.”

“I’m going to enjoy breaking that spirit of yours,” Krantock crooned, lifting Lance so that he was hanging with all of his weight held by his arms. Lance gasped, kicking out weakly. 

“You’re- you’re going to b-beat... an injured opponent? How impressive!” he taunted. “Not very, ugh, honorable though, is it?” Lance spat blood to the side, managing to hit center mass of Krantock’s feet.

Haha.

“Lance, what are you doing?” Keith hissed. “Don’t goad him.”

“Do the soldiers you lead _really_ respect you for pulling moves like this?” Lance goaded with a smirk. He could hear the others sputtering in the comm link as he kept going. He needed to escape, and to do that he needed something insane.

Hopefully, this plan would work better than this last one. 

“I’d be careful if I were you.”

“You keep saying that. Yet nothing ever happens. That tells me that you know that my team is your leverage, not only that, but your _only_ leverage. You _can’t_ hurt them and still expect me to go quietly. So, let’s cut the bullshit.” Lance adjusted his weight, barely holding back a wounded groan. “Keep my team out of this. Send your 80’s back-up dancer wannabes wherever the hell you want, and let’s hash this out like the two mature aliens we are.”

“ _Lance what are you doing?_ ” Hunk whispered.

“Allow me to counter-”

“ _Lance!_ ” Pidge exclaimed, interrupting the grumpy raisin. “ _Lance, I- uh- “_

_“You ready to fucking die?”_ Keith interrupted. Lance’s eyes widened.

_“I’m a bad bitch you can’t kill me!”_ Pidge responded _,_ sounding relieved. “ _Roadblocks are down!_ ”

Bless those pop culture references. Pidge must have hacked the sentry guns. She took the team out of the equation.

The roadblocks.

_THE ROADBLOCKS._

Dios, Lance loved her.

Krantock recoiled in confusion, dropping Lance in a heap.

Lance was disturbed to note that he was getting to know this ugly purple floor pretty well. 

“Lance,” Pidge backtracked. “Please. Be careful- I can’t hack these guns. We can’t get to you.”

Lance could practically hear Shiro nodding along. _“We can’t do anything from here.”_ His tone took on a mocking lilt that Lance knew only he would be able to pick up. _“We’re completely at the mercy of the Galra.”_

Lance fought a smirk as Krantock grinned triumphant _ly. “Listen to_ y _our friends, Little Paladin_.” 

“If I am going to have to suffer through your weird and creepy pet names,” Lance said from the floor- he didn’t want to get up until he’d made his plan work, “I think I should be allowed to give you the same. I’m thinking Commander Purple Quiznak. What are your thoughts?”

A kick to the gut answered his question. “So that’s a no, then?” Another kick. “Duly noted,” he wheezed. Not his best material, but whatever. It got a response. 

“As I was saying,” Krantock growled, “I have a counter offer for you.”

“I’m all ears. And bruises.”

“I’m in the mood for a game, Little Paladin.” 

“Just mild curiosity,” Lance looked over to where Soldier One and his lackeys were standing. “Is he ever not in the mood for a game?” Hilariously enough, one of the soldiers, probably a new recruit, shook his head vigorously before the Galra next to him stomped on his pointy-toed foot. Krantock glared at the soldier, who recoiled mutely. Lance burst out laughing, knowing that he was asking for the third kick that sent him rolling into the wall. “Yeah. I can see this respect thing is _really_ working out,” he coughed. 

His friends weren’t amused.

Nor was Krantock.

But when was he ever?

The important thing was, Lance’s plan worked. If heckling and goading his friends/family for so long had taught him anything, it’s that anger leads to mistakes. One time had managed to tick Keith off so badly that he got knocked out during training. It was entirely accidental, and Lance had spent the next quintant and a half apologizing profusely and begging for forgiveness, but Lance had always fired away the fascinating reaction from gold child Keith Kogane. Krantock was a pretty goal-oriented individual with a healthy serving of ego to go with it. As seen with the last few tantrums, he doesn’t do well with opposition. When he feels like he’s in control, all is well. However, the moment he didn’t have complete control, all composure went out the proverbial window. Once Lance got him angry enough, he was bound to make a crucial error.

Sure enough, Commander Purple Quiznak delivered.

How?

He turned away from Lance to yell at his soldiers with a, “I’ll show you respect, Little Paladin.”

“Go ahead,” Lance lied, spitting out blood again. Hopefully that was only from where he’d bitten his tongue. He didn’t have time to deal with internal damage right now. “I’m not going anywhere.”

But with the Galran soldiers fixated on Krantock’s wrath, and Krantock fixated on being a wrathful pain in the ass, there was no one to fixate on the Paladin lurching to his feet and taking off down the hallway at a fast limp.

He knew his team could probably hear his labored breathing through the comms, no doubt Krantock could too, but that was a problem for later. For now, he needed to hide and take a moment to get a grip on the situation.

If he didn’t, this whole plan would be all for not.

***

Keith hated waiting. 

Pidge hated not knowing. 

Shiro hated silence. 

Hunk hated feeling helpless.

They all knew that Lance hated being alone.

Suddenly, Shiro’s shoulder didn’t hurt so much.

All four could do nothing to change anything except sit and listen. Pidge had gotten the sentry guns down, and she and Keith (when did they teach Keith that one?) had managed to communicate that to Lance without cluing in whomever was with him. Pidge, with a few extra keystrokes, also managed to program the guns to still send active signals to the Galra so that no one would suspect the Paladins were no longer under their thumb.

Hopefully, that would help Lance save himself if he knew that his team wasn’t in danger.

They all knew he’d die before risking them. It was clear in the strained words he spoke to their captor, the grunts and muffled screams they could hear him desperately trying to hold back. The blatant verbal abuse from the Galran voice in their ears that he took without a flinch or denial, jumping in only when his team was threatened.

If Shiro wasn’t so terrified for him, he might have been proud. Not that he wasn’t proud, because he was so _damn_ proud of their Blue Paladin. But that was trumped by the fact that currently he was more scared than he’d ever been in his life. It was worse than in the Arena, worse than in captivity with Haggar. At least then he’d known what was going on. For the most part. At least then he hadn’t had anyone being hurt in his place. Right now, all he had was a team just as terrified as him and a family member separated from him. 

The problem was that Shiro knew what the Galrans were doing. They were _toying_ with them. They knew where Lance’s soft spot lay, and they knew that Lance would go down swinging. They _also_ knew that the Paladins of Voltron were a family, and that they would never leave one of their own behind. 

The fact that they felt the need to block off the Black Lion was mildly insulting, if not disheartening. 

For some reason, Shiro couldn’t reach his Lion no matter how hard he tried. The connection wasn’t gone persay, it was just... disconnected. Like a bad internet signal.

Things had been okay for a moment when they finally heard from Lance. However, any thoughts of joy or relief quickly dissipated when they realized that that pain-filled sound in their ears _was_ Lance.

All they had for now as proof that Lance was alive was the tired breathing in their ears. He was running. He’d gotten away. 

Shiro had thought that his team was going to go feral, him right along with them, during what they now know was the first escape attempt. There had been ringing explosions and shouts of fear and pain, the loudest being Lance. A thud made them all jump when he groaned, and Keith resumed his hacking at the door. 

He had yet to make a scratch.

Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge had been frantically calling his name, asking for something, _anything_ to indicate that he was even _alive._ Pidge and Hunk also doubled their efforts on the sentries, trying to do anything to help.

Hearing Lance joke and make that understatement was almost enough to make him cry from relief. Hunk actually collapsed to the ground, Shiro joining him a moment later.

So Lance’s second escape attempt had worked. Shiro was, of course, thrilled that he’d managed to get away, but now Lance was running blind. Pidge couldn’t guide him without guiding the Galra, and that’s _if_ she could get schematics from the computer connection she was able to use. So far, she and Hunk had yet to get anything.

“ _COMMANDER! THE PRISONER!_ ” All four Paladins jumped at the screech in their ears. 

“ _You won’t get far, Little Paladin!_ ” the Commander roared.

“ _Oh yeah?_ ” Lance snarked, sounding like he was trying to hide how tired he was. “ _Come at me, Kranberry._ ”

“ _How dare you-!_ ”

“ _I mean, you said you wanted a game._ ” Shiro could _hear_ the shrug in Lance’s voice. If this whole situation weren’t so horribly wrong, Shiro would have probably laughed. He could always rely on Lance’s wit to keep Shiro and the rest of Voltron grounded. But any fondness or positivity Shiro could find in this situation was overtaken by the anxiety and fear that lanced through him every time he heard the thud from a foot hitting his family. The crack when something heavy hit him. The tired gasps as he ran. The explosions that no one could figure out the origin of. The strangled, barely contained, screams when the Commander was torturing the boy.

Because that’s what was happening here. Torture. Of a boy. A boy who had no business being called to an intergalactic war, but had accepted it without question because _that’s who Lance is._ A boy who was forced to leave his family, his safety, his _everything,_ to save them all.

And now he didn’t have anyone to save him.

The thought made Shiro nauseous.

“ _I still hold the lives of your friends, Little Paladin. Are you really so prepared to sacrifice them for this hopeless endeavor?_ ”

Hearing the Galran’s voice made Shiro’s blood boil. The fact that he didn’t have anything to hurt the monster with was a pain more brutal than any laser wound Shiro had. 

“ _Don’t underestimate my team,_ ” Lance hissed. Pidge’s eyebrows raised worriedly at the venom in his voice. There was more to that conversation than they knew, apparently. 

“ _I suppose I should be grateful that I chose you to play with of the others- they might have actually given me some trouble.”_ Keith whipped around at that, glaring his anger out towards the others, who mirrored the sentiment.

How dare he.

“ _Honestly, you’re not wrong. They would have done a hell of a lot more than muss up your pretty hand,_ ” Lance was stalling. They knew he was, but the deprecating words still cut deep with the team. “ _How is that lovely little wound doing? Wonder how Zarkon will react when he finds out the only Paladin you caught was me, and not any of the others. And to find out that you were_ injured _in the encounter. Tsk tsk.”_

“It won’t come to that,” Keith snarled suddenly. 

“ _Isn’t it touching, Little Paladin? How soft Voltron is? How willing they are to ruin themselves over something as small as you?_ ”

Oh _hell_ no.

“Lance is our teammate!” Pidge said fiercely. “He’s better than you’ll _ever_ be!”

“ _Pidge, don’t-”_

“ _So_ this _is the famed Pidge, hm?”_ Hunk and Pidge shared a look of confusion. “ _I’m beginning to understand why you sent her away. She and I would have had_ such _a time togeth-”_

_“Don’t go there, Krantock!”_ Lance growled while Pidge’s eyes widened in horror. What had he been telling their friend? “ _Leave my team out of this!”_

“ _Don’t pretend that you aren’t glad that they’re here, Little Paladin. That you aren’t alone with me. Don’t deny what we all know: you are_ terrified _of me, aren’t you, Little Paladin? You know that every hit you take hurts your_ family,” Krantock spat, “ _but you can’t bring yourself to take out your comms. You could_ end _their suffering. I’ve given you all the tools. But you’re too_ weak _, too_ selfish _, too_ pathetic- _”_

No no no.

_“Stop-”_

_“You and I both know that you aren’t strong enough to get out of this alive. Why make your team live through your demise?”_

“Lance, don’t you dare listen,” Shiro warned. “He’s wrong about all of that.”

“Yeah,” Hunk added. “You’re my best bro. You aren’t alone in this- don’t let him think that you are.”

“You can do this, Lance!” Pidge encouraged.

“We’re a team,” Keith said simply, crossing his arms. “We’re in this together.”

“ _Silence!”_ Krantock bellowed.

“Lance!” Pidge plowed over the commander. “Lance, I found you!” She showed Shiro the schematics she’d pulled up. “You’ve got incoming on your le-” Keith clapped a hand over her mouth and Pidge’s eyes widened with horror.

“ _It appears we’re getting close to you, Little Paladin.”_

_“Apparently,”_ Lance ground out. 

“Lance I’m- I’m so _sorry_ I-” Pidge whispered, realizing that she’d just nearly given away Lance’s position to his captors. 

“ _It’s alright, Pidgey,_ ” Lance assured. “ _Captain Crunch over here doesn’t know_ shit _.”_

“There has to be some way we can help!” Keith’s shoulders were stiff with tension and his eyes were bright with fear. Shiro’s heart clenched at the knowledge that they were just as dangerous to Lance as Krantock was.

_“Don’t worry about me guys. I’ll be fin- HOLY SHIT!_ ”

“ _Well done, Green Paladin! We found him!_ ” Krantock laughed. Lance groaned through the line.

“ _Cut the bullshit, Krispie Kream,”_ Lance gasped. “ _You know just as much as I do that you were onto me before my team found me. They have done nothing wrong._ ”

“ _Defend them as much as you wish, Little Paladin. They still made_ you _a Paladin. I’m not sure anyone in the universe can defend that one- hah! Not even the_ Defenders _of the_ Universe _!”_

Lance sucked in a harsh breath. There was a sudden thud that had all Paladins listening in reeling.

“You’re wrong!” Shiro roared. “Lance, you are a Paladin of Voltron because the Blue Lion chose you. I’m _proud_ to call you my teammate!”

“You’re our sharpshooter,” Keith fumed, anger on Lance’s behalf clipping his words.

“You’re our family.” Pidge’s eyes gleamed as she confidently locked eyes with the others. They nodded.

“You’re worth any pain Krantock may put us through. We’re with you, Lance. We love you.” Hunk confirmed. 

“ _It’s a shame that your friend missed most of that,”_ Krantock mused quietly. _“Though that was lovely. Who knew Voltron was so_ sappy _?”_

“What did you do?” Shiro demanded. “What did you do to Lance?”

“ _I’ve made a fascinating discovery on the delicate state of your species._ ”

Pidge stiffened. “What?”

“Where’s Lance?!” Keith thundered. 

“ _He’s- ah, how do I put it?- indisposed for now._ ”

“Tell us what you did!” 

“ _Well, to be honest, I can’t say I exactly know. You see, I swung my hammer at him and his body did this funny little shake- truly adorable, you would have loved it- and he… lost consciousness? He might have died._ ” Pidge gasped harshly, eyes filling with despair. “ _Well then. No major loss, I suppose.”_

“You _monster!_ ” Pidge screamed. “Let him go!”

_“My dear, if you want to get to your friend, you’re welcome to come to his aid.”_

All four paladins froze at that, and Shiro’s Galran arm activated on pure instinct. He couldn’t summon the self control to stop it from glowing angrily. 

“You know we can’t do that,” Shiro said quietly. 

“ _How unfortunate for your comrade then!_ ” Krantock noted cheerfully. Shiro ground his teeth. “ _I suppose he’ll have to continue to keep me company until Zarkon comes!_ ”

“Let me out,” Keith threatened. “Let me out and I’ll show you a ‘ _major loss’_.”

“Keith-” Shiro warned, all too aware of how vulnerable they were.

“No, Shiro! He’s got Lance! I’m not going to sit here while Lance is over there, defenseless!”

“ _Interesting request, Paladin._ ”

“What do you say, Krantock?” Keith inquired, a dangerous smirk growing on his face.

“ _Don’t you dare, Mullet.”_

***

Lance ached.

All over.

There was ringing in his ears- no, not that, _speaking_. Talking.

There was ringing too, but anyways.

He knew those voices.

They sounded like safety.

Like family.

Like… like he wasn’t alone.

Lance was desperately tired of being alone.

Keith was speaking. He was saying something insane. 

“ _Let me out and I’ll show you a ‘_ major loss _’._ ”

What?

What the hell was he thinking?!

Keith was safe- his whole team was safe. That was the whole reason Lance was dealing with this quiznaking mess. He needed them safe.

He needed them alive.

He would be fine so long as they were.

He’d lost consciousness, that much he knew. The last thing he remembered was creeping out of his hiding place in the vents he and Pidge had discovered. Then a whistling noise as something large whipped through the air. Then nothing. 

His visor was cracked- a draft against his head told him a piece of his helmet had been knocked away. Lance ripped off the offending article to examine it. 

Yup. Busted. 

Lance touched the side of his head gingerly, and his hand came back red and sticky. He glared at it.

This wasn’t good.

And now his helmet was useless to him. 

Lance took a deep breath, fighting the urge to chuck the piece of hardware away.

A gravelly voice above his head caught his attention. It was the furry craisin himself, facing away from Lance’s prone form. He was talking to his team, saying awful things. He was _agreeing_ with Keith. Lance didn’t have time to regroup.

He needed to stop this. 

Lance rolled to his feet, jamming the broken helmet onto his head, fighting the dizziness that came with it.

“ _What do you say, Krantock?_ ”

Lance summoned his bayard, holding it flush against Krantock’s back. “Don’t you dare, Mullet.”

Lance fired a shot.

Then another.

Then ano-

Krantock roared angrily, whipping around. A powerful swing caught Lance across the undamaged side of his helmet, and he staggered to the side. All things considered, Lance wasn’t terrible after the hit. Krantock was… not good.

Shining, pooling liquid poured from the two wounds in his torso. Lance braced himself against the wall, breathing heavily and clutching his side. Something warm coated his hand, and he strove to not think about what was wrong there. His stomach lurched at the thought of what he had just done. 

He’d never shot someone point blank before, but he’d had no choice.

His team needed him to finish off this bastard and get to them.

Like hell was anything going to keep him from them.

“Give up, Krazy Glue. You’ve lost.”

“Ah! You’re still alive, Little Paladin. I was worried I had played too rough with you.” Lance gasped and took a step back so he was flush with the wall while Krantock stood to his full height with barely a wince. He smirked as he took in the Blue Paladin’s reaction. “What? Were you counting on me being wounded from your laser pointer? You and I both know that Galra aren’t so easily taken down. You’re going to have to try a lot harder than ACK-!”

Lance shot at his helmet, knocking it off. He had forty tics, max, before the commander collected himself and got his helmet back on. Forty tics to let his team know the plan.

“Guys!” he called, making a mad dash away. None of the other soldiers had shown up yet, but that wasn’t the most reassuring thing. Most likely, they were spread out, waiting in the event something else happened.

“ _Lance!”_ Shiro gasped. “ _What happened?! Are yo-”_

“I’ll be fine. Sorry, but I have 35 tics before Krampus gets back online- I need help.”

“ _We can’t get to you,_ ” Keith said angrily. Lance could picture his hands shaking with rage and fear.

“Maybe not, but you _can_ see me, can’t you, Pidge?”

“ _Lance, I can’t do anything with that- the Galra will be able to follow my words to you.”_

“If you tell it to me the basic way, sure,” Lance grinned despite the pain numbing his senses as his ribs and side were strained. Keith had given him an idea earlier.

“ _What other- Lance! You’re a_ genius _!”_

“Think you can do it?”

_“Where do you need to get to?_ ”

“I need you to find me a path to the Black Lion.”

“ _What? Why-”_

“ _What are you planning, Little Paladin?_ ”

“Nothing major. Hopefully something badass. Nothing you’ll be able to stop, I assure you.”

“ _You can’t beat me, Little Paladin. I am far superior.”_

“Maybe.” Lance slid into a room, nearly falling over as something in his chest jostled roughly. “But you aren’t better than the heroes you’ve got locked in your hanger. And nothing’s going to keep me from them.”

_“I admire your tenacity, Little Paladin. But that won’t save you. Nor will your friends be able to do anything, held up as they are. Do you really think they’ll come through for you? After you failed to do the same for them?_ ”

“ _Now just hold on,_ ” Pidge interrupted angrily. “ _Lance, you’d better not be taking anything this fucker has to say. You have_ never _failed us. We-_ I _\- failed you today. I shouldn’t have left you alone. You’re a hero to me, Lance. You can do this._ ”

Lance found his eyes filling. “Thanks, Pidgey,” he whispered, forcing himself to blink back his emotion. There wasn’t time. There wasn’t time for _anything_ , not pain, not tears, not even battle.

He barely had time to breathe as it was. 

“ _We’re with you, Sharpshooter._ ” Bless that Red Paladin and his wacky way of showing affection. 

“You guys are the best team a guy could ask for.”

“ _I grow weary of all this sentimentality. It’s a wonder you all haven’t already died. Speaking of, Little Paladin, how does blood loss work with your species?_ ”

Lance froze as he entered another room. “What?”

“ _Adrenaline,”_ Hunk whispered quietly. “ _It’s dulling any injuries._ ”

“ _Lance,_ ” Shiro joined, “ _I need you to give me a diagnostic report, okay?_ ”

“Shiro, I- I’m not sure you guys want to know, at this point. It might just cause more problems-”

_“No, no, Little Paladin. You’ve never had any issue running your mouth in the past. I’d love to hear this one.”_

“ _Noted,”_ Shiro cut in. _“Be careful, Lance._ ”

“Always am, Cap’n.” Lance stumbled over to a corner of the dark room, finding the lights and placing them as low a brightness as possible. 

The problem was, Shiro was right. Lance had been ignoring his injuries for long enough- if he left them any longer, he might be blindsided during a skirmish that was bound to happen with the guards searching for him. So, Lance began to strip off his upper armor, biting back a cry as his arm was jostled again. He briefly entertained leaving the armor on his arm be, maybe it would help stabilize it. A childish part of him wanted to let it stay as it was and never touch it ever again, but he also knew that he really needed to get it back into joint, which was going to _suck_.

Which was worse: ten seconds of hell? Or permanent damage?

The choice was made before Lance had finished asking himself the question.

He’d take care of his arm after he got the rest of him fixed up- the motion of wrenching the limb might worsen whatever was causing that annoying throbbing in his side or the stabbing in his chest. 

Fucking Galran hammers, man.

Lance paused at that, stopping as he prepared to take off his chestplate. 

Maybe Pidge was rubbing off on him.

That couldn’t be good.

The thought made Lance chuckle a little hysterically. 

“ _Lance?_ ” Hunk questioned. “ _You good, bro?_ ” Lance smiled fondly, lifting the armor up.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah I’m- _shit that’s not good!_ ”

“ _What’s wrong, Lance?”_ Shiro called worriedly. Lance didn’t answer. He couldn’t.

He’d been impaled on his chest plate. Agony raced up and down his nervous system as a shard of formerly white armor was jostled, bright red oozing up and dribbling to the floor. Lance choked on a breath, falling against the wall on his dislocated joint, which only inspired a breathy scream. The Paladin slid down the wall with a groan, placing a hand on the wound as best as he could.

_Shit shit shit shit shit SHIT-_

_“Lance!”_ Shiro’s voice brought him back to reality.

“ _Tsk tsk,”_ Krantock tutted. _“You know, you aren’t sounding too good over there, Little Paladin. I was hoping to find you, maybe repay you for the holes you let in my armor- these floors are simply horrid to clean, I hear-”_

“I’m about to say it,” Lance bit out around the darkness clouding the corners of his vision. 

_“What?_ ” Krantock sounded genuinely confused, and Lance smiled maniacally at the observation. He licked his lips before continuing.

“I don’t care that you broke your elbow.”

A beat of silence.

_“Paladins, I’m afraid I’ve broken your comrade. I would begin saying your goodbyes now- he obviously doesn’t have long.”_

“ _Don’t deign to assume that you’ve beaten him, asshat_.”

“Piiiidge,” Lance drawled. “That’s my insult. Don’t share it with him!”

“ _See? He’s fine. You can’t beat the Blue Paladin, douchebag._ ”

“Ah, very nice. Thank you Pidge.”

“ _I aim to please.”_

_“Lance, are you okay?”_

Lance pursed his lips, looking again at the small puddle forming around him. “Define ‘okay’, Shiro.”

“ _We need to work on your bedside mannerisms, asshat._ ”

“Let’s go with a yes for now.”

“ _Better fix yourself quickly, Paladin. These walls aren’t soundproof- my men are bound to find you sooner or later.”_

Lance took a breath. As much as he hated to admit it, Krantock was right. He needed to get this done, and he needed to get it done yesterday. “Uh, guys? I’m going to drop off comms for a minute- feel free to heckle Kranky until I get back.”

_“Lance what are yo-_ ” Lance ripped his helmet off before Keith could finish the question. He knew he wouldn’t be able to entirely keep them from hearing him when he… fixed the issue (he was such a wuss _mi Dios_ ), but he could try. They were worried enough as it was.

“Alright, Lancey-Lance,” he breathed, observing the damage to his chestplate. There was a large crack like a shattered mirror in two spots, each one where Krantock’s hammer had struck. On the second hit, Lance had been blown to the side right as the hammer struck. His back had twisted and his chestplate with it. That subsequently meant the armor was hit at a weaker point, and the force of the blast coupled with it was responsible for the sizable shard digging into his flesh. It took a second or fifteen, but Lance managed to get the rest of his chestplate off separate from the offending protrusion without succumbing to the dark spots he kept having to blink around.

Now for the fun part.

Taking the shard in his hand, Lance ripped it out as quick as he could with a strangled cry and tossed it across the room for stress relief. “ _Madre-_ fuckshitdamn _\- Dios!_ ” Immediately, Lance clapped his hand over the weeping wound, the puddle growing rapidly despite his best interests.

Thank _Dios_ for Past Lance’s intuition as far as how much of a hazard he was. He’d begun to keep a stash of bandages and folded gauze beneath the armor on his thighs in the event of an on-field emergency.

Lance swallowed a twinge of guilt that he never told his team- maybe they would be able to be treating Shiro’s shoulder while they waited for Lance to get it together. 

Now wasn’t the time.

It dawned on Lance that maybe he should have taken care of this after his other arm was functional, injuries be damned. Now he had to figure out how to get his wound taken care of with only one functioning hand.

Eventually, Lance managed it (with no small amount of swearing). The plan was to take the white medical cloth and wrap it around the sticky-edged gauze (thank goodness for Altean and Earth bandaging parallels) once he had access to the wound. 

But to do that, he needed to have his undersuit off.

And to do that, he needed two arms.

Quiznak.

It dawned on Lance suddenly that he had never reset a limb before. Sure, he had the training- it was standard Garrison protocol for all cadets, but never had any of them been in a position where they had to actually _use_ it. 

Fucking quiznak. This was going to hurt.

The diagrams had made it sound so peaceful. Just take the limb, lift it in front of you, and guide it back into the joint.

This was not going to be peaceful. Lance could barely touch the limb and not want to cry.

_Dios._

“Alright. Here goes.”

***

The team could still hear a little bit from Lance’s comms. Sometimes they’d hear a muttered curse word, or the sound of a piece of armor dropping. Most alarming was the sickening _schnink_ and slew of cussing that had the entire team yelling for Lance despite them knowing that he couldn’t hear them.

To keep herself occupied, Pidge was enjoying jeering and insulting the Commander. He wasn’t taking it well. In a normal situation, she would stay her temper to prevent making things worse for Lance.

But things would be hard pressed to _get_ worse as it was. They knew he was bleeding. There was also probably some sort of rib damage if the massive hammer Pidge recalled Krantock having was anywhere in play.

If all Pidge could do was heckle this creep to hell and back, no way was she going to not do it.

“Alright, Discount Sendak-”

“ _How dare you say his name here-”_

“Let the record reflect that Commander Krouton did not, infact, negate the statement that he is the cheaper (and worse) model of the eternally annoying and never missed Commander Send-” A strangled yell in the comms made them all jump. Even Krantock stopped his angry tirade against the Green Paladin. Hunk and Shiro were immediately asking Lance what happened, screaming for him to let them know he was okay. Keith and Pidge locked horrified gazes, fear overtaking them as they were reminded once again of how helpless they really were in this fight.

Lance didn’t answer.

***

Lance was on _fire_.

His senses fled him as agony raced up and down his arm. Tears poured down his face as he fought to keep breathing despite the constriction his ribs presented. He grit his teeth, using the wall and his own body weight to keep his arm up. The garrison was explicit in their preaching that all he needed to do was use his other arm, but there was a bullet hole in his wounded shoulder and it hurt like a _puta_ . Lance didn’t have the pain tolerance nor the focus (if Lance didn’t have a concussion at this point, he would be _shocked_ ) to do this like a normal person.

So he was using the wall.

It took a minute or two of blazing, burning _agony_ while he tried to find the right angle to pop his arm into joint like a damn Bionicle (he’d gone through a retro phase. Sue him) before he heard the wet _chlick_ of his arm getting it’s shit together. The hole in his collarbone burned with new vengeance while Lance clamped down on a scream as nerves were reintroduced and reminded him of their disliking of what just happened. His already blurry vision faded in and out with a pulsing headache that had been building for a while, apparently, but hadn’t been brought to his attention until now.

“Next,” he whispered, voice scratchy and painful. It dawned on Lance then that he had water on him- his water bottles! He probably should clean the wound on his side. However, just the thought of taking the bandage off and dealing with all that mess made his stomach roll. So, that was a no. He summoned a water bottle, taking a few greedy swigs of the crystal liquid before grabbing a second sticky-gauze band-aid hybrid like the one that he’d used for the stab wound (did it count as stabbing if he technically did it to himself? Like, with his own armor?). With a muttered curse, Lance took off the top portion of his undersuit, wiggling his still-throbbing-but-slightly-better arm out of its sleeve with a sharp hiss while the socket continued to get reintroduced to the bone.

That hiss turned into a pained gasp when Lance caught sight of his chest. It was ugly and colorful (wasn’t that an oxymoron of a comparison) with raised areas and darker, deeper areas where his ribs had given up. 

At this point, Lance was going to donate everything he owned and maybe his soul to the Garrison field training courses, because honestly? Life savers.

Awesomely enough, Lance actually _had_ some training as far as binding his own ribs goes. The instructor had shown them how to wrap a securing cloth/gauze around themselves, and explained where to pull/secure if one’s ribs were in actual need of alignment.

Shockingly, that hurt like a mother quiznak as well.

Shockingly, Lance’s voice was starting to go.

Shockingly, Lance still had other things to attend to.

Maybe he _should_ have told Shiro and the team what was going on with him- if the list kept growing like this, it may not be to his benefit anymore.

Whatever. Could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. _Didn’t._

Gauze time.

With his torso free of the back suit, Lance could now logically wrap half of his remaining gauze around his waist three times, securing the bandage like Coran taught him. He did the same to his head, using the bindings to secure a nonstick square of gauze to the sluggishly bleeding wound. 

  
What else was there?

Head? Check as much as i t could be at this point.

Shoulder? Check. (knees and toes- _what are those!?)_

(Haha he was a comedian).

Side? Check.

Arm?...no.

What was Lance missing though? He had gotten it back in place, bandaged his shoulder, put his arm in a sli- Oh no, wait he hadn’t done that yet.

Now he had to make a sling.

_Quiznak._

He was out of wrappings.

_Double quiznak._

Well, what did he have? He had one more pressure bandage and three more gauze pads tucked safely in his leg armor. Those wouldn’t do him any good. He had… nothing else but the shirt bunched at his waist and the armor on his legs…

_That’s it!_

The armor was useless (duh), but the undersuit! That would work! All he had to do was tear off a sleeve or two, tie the ends together, and boom! Sling!

It was then that Lance encountered his first problem.

See, every action movie he had ever seen always made tearing clothes look so _easy_ . The hero (or heroine- Lance wasn’t biased) would take their rugged shirtsleeve and give one easy jerk and with a satisfying _shhhhlliiiink!_ the sleeve would be off and their sex appeal would skyrocket. Lance wasn’t even going for sex appeal here! He just needed something to immobilize his arm so it wouldn’t cause permanent damage. 

Was that too much to ask?

Apparently so, as his sleeves refused to budge. All he managed was a frustrated huff as the cloth _stretched with him._

Quiznaking Altean “one size fits all” mindsets.

He had to cut it. Tearing wouldn’t work here (he ignored the little nudge in the back of his head that Hunk would have had the strength to tear it like tissue paper, or Shiro the knowledge/strength- the idea that he would ever even _be_ in this situation was laughable- to know a better way to keep his arm secure, or Keith his sword to cut the fabric, or Pidge the brains to have a smarter plan of action, and a more efficient use of the limited medical supplies), so he would need a better plan of option.

But, as previously mentioned, Lance didn’t have a sword, or brains, or strength. 

He had a shard of armor though!

Lance hobbled over to where he’d dropped the bloody triangle. Honestly, throwing it? Dumbest thing he’d done yet. And that was after, you, know, getting stuck in this situation in the first place. 

Of course it would happen to Lance.

Of _fucking_ course.

Lance fought the urge to punch the wall: he didn’t need to add bruised knuckles to his list of boo-boos.

“This is a quiznaking mess,” he muttered, lowering slowly in a frog squat to grab the piece of armor. While he was over there, he grabbed his helmet as well before heading back to his corner of comfort and shame. After sliding down the wall next to a concerningly large puddle of blood ( _I‘m sure it’s fine_ ), Lance crossed his legs and straightened his spine (not unlike the way Shiro liked to when he was trying to be cool and open without giving off too much of a “dad” vibe. It didn’t work, but hey, points for trying). Despite the fact that he had mobility in both arms, Lance refrained from engaging his formerly dislocated limb for now, choosing instead to hold the end of his victim- uh, sleeve- in his teeth and hope and pray that he didn’t slice his stomach (for the Paladin that has everything: a stomach wound! Yay!) when he cut the seam away. Was it neat? No. But, it worked. In a tick, he had two sleeves ready to be used and no extra holes or gaps in his torso. 

Lance shimmied back into the tank top he’d made for himself- the undersuits didn’t protect nearly as well as the Paladin armor did, but they were still liquid resistant and would hopefully save him from any intense burns on his torso. Before moving on, Lance took a quick look at his arm- turns out that shot he’d gotton from the confrontation before this whole mess started was in fact just a graze- no need for bandages at this point.

Cool.

Now the hard part.

It took a few moments to muster the will to force both arms to work together. A raspy, breathy scream inched its way past his gritted teeth (at this point he was going to have _so much_ cracked enamel- just end him here and now) as he tied a neat knot and threw it behind his shoulders. Then he made the beginnings of a knot, held one end in his teeth, stuffed his injured arm securely against his chest, and used his jaw and other arm to pull another tight knot to hold it fast like he’d been taught.

Maybe he wasn’t as terrible a listener as he initially thought.

Go figure.

It dawned on Lance then that he’d been off comms for around ten doboshes- what if something had happened? What if Krantock had done something to the others as retribution for Lance not being there?

One thing was for sure: Lance couldn’t wear his helmet anymore. It was entirely compromised, cleaved in two halves nearly falling apart with only wiring holding it on his head in recent fights. He’d have to go without it from here on out.

But Lance couldn’t be without his comms- they were too vital at this point, especially if he was going to use Pidge’s assistance to make his insane scheme work.

Hunk had once mentioned wanting to find a way to make a removable comm link so in the case of an emergency or a situation where they couldn’t wear Paladin armor, then they could still have constant contact.

Lance didn’t see why he couldn’t just figure that out now. The others would probably hear him fumbling with it, but whatever. Maybe it would distract Special K- heh he’d have to use that one- from his friends.

Turning the helmet upside down, Lance reached inside and found where the comm was. He carefully tugged it out, pleased to see that a complete circuit came out with the earpiece. Thank _dios_ the cords hadn’t been severed somehow. 

Now how to secure it?

Lance tried to run his hand through his bangs, frustrated beyond all words that he couldn’t because his quiznaking head wrappings were interfering-!

Bingo!

His head wrappings! Lance could tuck the excess cordage- what was _that_ for anyways?- in the back of the white cloth and keep the earpiece in his ear (duh). The only downside was that he lost any and all functionality that his helmet afforded- he couldn’t turn off or mute his comms. It’s not like he would in this situation anyways, but it was something to note in case Pidge or Hunk wanted to know.

It was at this moment that the door to Lance’s hide-away flew open with a screech, Lance responding with a screech in kind.

***

“Shiro,” Pidge said, forcibly calm, “if Lance doesn’t respond in the next thirty ticks I’m going to toss Hunk through that wall and we’ll tunnel our way to him.” No one questioned her words. Knowing Pidge, it would probably happen. A tense moment later, Shiro’s eyebrows shot up and he whipped his helmet off, nodding his head for the others to do the same. They left their helmets in a pile, shuffling in a bleary mass across the hanger.

“What if there’s another way out of here?” Shiro mused, looking at his faintly glowing hand.

“What do you mean?” Keith was instantly alert. He’d been stuck in his own head since Lance had gone radio silent after that bone-curdling scream. It kept replaying, along with every second of their raid on this cruiser. Surely there was something Keith could have done, he should have been better, told Lance and Pidge to _stay away_ , or made Pidge go back to help him when she said that Lance was fighting a Galran alone-

It was a useless thought process, but Keith couldn’t stop it. 

“Well, we’ve established that we can’t cut out way through Luxite. But what if we could melt it?” Pidge’s eyes widened dramatically, Hunk’s too, before they both erupted with ecstatic “ _YOU’RE A GENIUS!”_ whisper yells (they didn’t want to risk their Galran friend hearing their conversation).

“It’ll probably take some time,” Pidge confirmed, eyes shining. “But it should work!” 

“Great. We’ll get through the doors, fight through the Galra assholes hunting Lance, and get him back!” Keith exclaimed, gaze looking more hopeful with every syllable.

“No,” Shiro said suddenly, eyes dark. The others froze.

“What do you mean, ‘No’?!” Hunk cried. “We have a chance to get to Lance and-”

“No, wait,” Pidge interrupted. “He’s got a point. We know what Lance is going for- us going through that door would only alert the Galra and risk Lance. His attention would be divided between making sure we didn’t get ourselves injured trying to find him and avoiding the Galrans that are after him. They’d use us as bait, and this time there would be no way for us to help Lance.”

“We can better help Lance by getting to the Black Lion and blasting our way to him,” Shiro explained firmly. “I’ll need the three of you to help keep Krantock from figuring out what Lance is trying to do as well as our plan. Can we do that?” Three determined nods met his words. “Alright team. Let’s get our man back!”

They all got their comms back on in time to hear some sort of rustling coming through. Krantock had gone silent not long after Lance had, so hopefully that was Lance and not the commander. Shiro sped back to the door keeping him from Black, pressing his hand against it and willing his crazy plan to work.

They had no way of knowing until they heard, with growing horror, the unmistakable squeal of a door opening. A shriek echoed in their ears, not quite drowning out the yelled “ _Stop right there, Paladin!_ ”

“Lance!” Pidge cried. “Get out of there!”

“ _Well well well_ ,” Krantock returned. “ _It seems your friend is in a bit of a crisis, isn’t he?_ ”

“ _Stuff it, Special K,_ ” Lance hissed. “ _No one asked you._ _Hey_ _guys_ ,” he called amicably to the soldiers. “ _Fancy meeting you all here. What do you say we put our weapons down and-_ “ Rapid gunfire filled the comm link that had Hunk turning a lovely shade of green to compliment Pidge’s armor. 

“Lance!” Hunk half-sobbed. Shiro ground his teeth together angrily, pressing his hand into the door and begging it to work faster. So far, nothing had happened.

What if this didn’t work?

“ _What?!_ ” Lance cried back, minorly hysterical. “ _What happened? Who’s hurt?!”_

“You, asshat,” Pidge deadpanned, trying to mask her bought of absolute despair with anger. “We thought something had just happened!”

“ _I’m fine, you guys, don’t worry._ ”

“I’ve got several pieces of auditory evidence that suggest otherwise, Lance,” Keith fired back.

“ _Oh. Uh, sorry about that. I tried to keep it down what with ugly on the line listening in- '' Before_ the other’s could object to that, Krantock had to get involved.

“ _What have you done with my soldiers, Little Paladin?”_

“ _Oh, sorry. Did you still want those toys?”_ There was a moment of tense silence. The Paladins shared a look, horror filling their gazes as the implications sank in.

That horror turned to confusion and concern when Lance laughed half-hysterically after a beat. “ _Ha- oh-Shit- that was too dramatic. Sorry guys, I couldn’t not use it on this dick. They aren’t dead, for your information. I just locked them in the room with mild wounds.”_ They could hear Lance grimace as he moved something heavy, if the rather large grinding noise was anything to go by. “ _I’m not you, Krantock._ ”

“Lance, what’s your status?”

“ _I could be worse._ ” Well that wasn’t comforting. “ _I mean- shit, sorry- I am better than I was. There were uh, I’ve been keeping gauzy, no, gauze and stuff under my leg guards in case this… this… uh, sort of thing happens.”_

That definitely wasn’t good. Lance was slurring his words. Shiro’s blood turned to ice as he realized that there was head trauma in play here. 

“Shiro, what’s your status?!” Pidge cried, having come to the same conclusion. 

“Nothing good.” The Luxite _was_ beginning to give some, yes, but not nearly fast enough. 

“ _Woah, that was weird,_ ” Lance said, sounding much more bright and alert.

“Lance, what _was_ that?” Keith questioned worriedly.

“ _I don’t know. I just got really… fuzzy there? Dizzy? I don’t know._ ”

“Concussion?” Hunk prompted.

“ _That or the blood loss._ ” Lance mused idly, not realizing that his team hadn’t even begun to go that route; not since Krantock brought it up, anyway.

Well, they’d thought about it, but they hadn’t had it confirmed until then.

“The what?!” Pidge yelped, ignoring the rumbling laughter of Krantock as he listened in.

“ _Oh shit- I mean- the- there’s no,”_ there was a beat of silence. “ _Damn it._ ”

“Lance, I need you to tell me your status,” Shiro ordered, desperately pushing his hand deeper into the barrier.

“ _But Krantock-_ ”

“Fuck Krantock,” Pidge said fiercely. “We need to know, Lance. Please. Let us in.”

“ _Promise not to get mad?”_ The innocence of the question made the separated Paladins pause. Why on earth would they get mad? Did their friend think so lowly of his importance that he assumed that his teammates, his _family_ , would criticize and rebuke him for protecting them and getting injured in the process?

Had they encouraged this?

It was a question for a later time. Hunk answered for them all, saying “Lance, buddy, we’re you’re family. We love you. Never will we _ever_ blame you or get mad at you for getting injured.”

“ _Let the record show that Hunk is A, an amazing person- love you bro- and B, said that none of you are allowed to get mad._ ” Before the other’s could interject, Lance plowed onward. “ _Uh, shot in the left shoulder, left arm removed from its socket, plausible concussion, light bleeding on right arm from a graze, broken and/or bruised ribs, possible heavy bruising around the neck, head injury with some light bleeding, and a deep stab wound on my right side.”_

There was a beat.

Then two.

Then three.

Then, Pidge: “Fuck.”

Keith: “I’m going to kill him.”

Hunk: “Lance, buddy, we’re on our way! Just keep pressure on that wound ok?!”

Shiro just growled at the wall.

Lance seemed to process what he’d just said, because he suddenly came back on with a “ _Wait wait wait I’m fine, guys! You all said you wouldn’t get mad!”_

“Lance,” Pidge said with as much self control as she could manage, ”I’m going to say this in the nicest way that I can: No you’re fucking not.”

“ _No you aren’t listening! I really am fine!”_

Keith’s brow furrowed in confusion. “How are you fine?”

“ _Uhhh… I thought ahead?”_

“Explain, please,” Shiro stepped in before any of the others had a stroke.

“ _I started keeping bandages and stuff under the armor at my hips and upper thighs,_ ” Lance blurted out in one breath. 

“Oh,” Pidge said after a moment. “I’m beginning to see why you’d be fine.”

“ _Glad to hear it. Now will you stop worrying and guide me through this mess?”_

“Shit- right! Sorry!” Pidge fumbled with her laptop, pulling up Lace’s location. “Alright, I’ve got you.”

“ _Ah, what wonderful timing, Green Paladin._ ”

“Krabcakes? What do you mean?!” Pidge gasped out. Hunk whimpered next to her, seeing the rapidly approaching red dot heading straight for Lance’s blue dot.

“ _Allow me to echo your friend’s words, Little Paladin. ‘I’ve got you’.”_

“Lance!?” Keith yelled.

“ _Shit!”_

***

“Are you kidding me right now?!” Lance yelped, ducking behind a corner, bayard at the ready. 

“ _Lance, what’s going on over there?_ ”

“What do you think, Shiro?!” Lance snapped, telling himself he’d apologize later. “Fucking Purple Circle found me!” 

“Come now, Little Paladin!” Krantock called joyfully. Lance could hear him getting closer with every frantic breath that passed the Blue Paladin’s lips. “Don’t tell me you actually thought you could evade me!”

“Kranky Kong,” Lance cut in, looking out around the corner warily. Krantock ducked behind a corner of his own, knowing that Lance fired faster than he could throw his hammer. “I have a new phrase for you.”

“Mental games won’t save you, Little Paladin. But please, entertain me.”

“DILLIGAF!” Lance said cheerily. Pidge snorted over the line, much to the confusion of the others.

“What?” Lance took savage pleasure out of the clear confusion in the commander’s response, all previous hints of malice swallowed by the sheer dumbassery of Lance’s “new phrase”. 

“It’s quite simple.” Lance took a deep breath, preparing himself to jump out and kick some booty. “Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck~?” he sang, leaping into the hallway with his bayard at the ready. 

“Wha-?!” Krantock yelled in surprise, barely dodging out of the way of the rapid fire shots Lance sent his way before taking off in a dead sprint. Everything ached at the jarring movement of his uneven steps, but Lance couldn’t stop. “Pidge!” he yelped. “I need to get away from these furry disasters! Are there- Uh- Road work ahead?!”

Lance could _hear_ Pidge’s thought process of what she should code the answer as. Lance hoped to goodness that she would understand. There was the briefest moment of silence. “ _Uh,_ yeah _, I sure hope it does!_ ”

**_Soldiers dead ahead._ **

“Alright. Uh, what about the surrounding areas?”

“Every _road works, Lance,_ ” Pidge said frantically, the rapid staccato of keys clicking through the comms. **_You’re boxed in on all sides._ ** The others stayed silent, knowing that any interference would only help Krantock.

“What do I do then?!” Lance was running out of corridor. He was met with silence as Pidge thought of a plan. He looked above him at the large grate, not unlike the one he and Pidge had used not a varga earlier. “Is there a more… indirect way of getting to you all?”

_What about the vents?_

“ _That’s it! You’re in timeout- get on top of the fridge!_ ”

**_Go up through the vents- you’ll be safe there._ **

Bless that girl.

Lance thanked every deity out there (who knew that those greek mythology lessons in the seventh grade would be good for something other than a lovely storytime for his younger cousins, right?) for his long legs as he blasted the grate open and leapt up into the open vent. His bayard went back into his armor and Lance reached up his arm to half catch himself on the edge. He swung precariously before managing to get his legs to boost him up. His shoulder screamed in agony, and Lance fought a shout of pain. He couldn’t alert the enemy now, not when he was so close.

“Okay, now what?!”

“ _You can’t escape me, Little Paladin!_ ”

“Don’t tell me you still think that, Kranberry!”

_“Seems you’ve run out of material._ ”

“One: Coming from the quiznak who’s been using the exact same pet name this entire time, you don’t get to have an opinion on this. Two: It’s my favorite; piss off. Three: Let’s review your sight words- _DILLIGAF!_ ” 

“ _Why you-_ ”

“ _Ever hear the one about the guy who had his entire left side cut off?”_ Pidge interrupted briskly. Lance smirked. _He’s all right now_ , Lance remembered the answer.

**_Go right._ **

“Okay, and after that?”

“ _Well, I- uh-_ two _weeks later, he_ wasn’t _alright.”_

Nice. **_Take the second left._ **

_“Is it common for your species to speak in tongues like this?”_ Krantock mused, frustration coloring his words.

“ _Only when dealing with assholes like you_ ,” Keith joined in. Lance smiled while he crawled through the vents, knowing his knees were going to _hate_ him tomorrow morning. Without the use of one of his arms, it was more of a dragging shuffle than a crawl, but it was better than nothing. Lance was fairly certain that he had just undone any and all clotting his side had managed in the short time that it had been mended, but hopefully he wouldn’t have to last much longer. It didn’t stop the piercing shocks of agony from penetrating his every movement, but whatever. He could cope. 

The other Paladins knew what his silence meant, and took great pleasure in heckling Krantock once more. Keith and Pidge were absolutely slaying the Insult Game, Shiro occasionally interjecting to ask coded questions that Lance hadn’t quite figured out, and Hunk enjoying tearing apart any comebacks Krantock attempted while Keith and Pidge thought up new material. They were up to something, that much was for certain. Honestly, their only saving grace at the moment was the fact that Krantock, for some reason, was under the impression that Lance still thought that he held Lance’s team’s lives in his purpled furry hands. 

Lance wasn’t going to look that particular gift horse in the mouth. 

“Alright, Pidge,” Lance muttered. “I’m here. What’s next?”

“ _Fuck this shit I’m out!~_ ” Pidge sang, Hunk cackling in the background.

**_Get down from the vents._ **

“Mood,” Lance responded to show that he understood. Personally he thought that one was a bit of a stretch, but it sort of made sense. He landed with a soft thud, looking around wildly for other soldiers.

There were none. Taking use of the silence, Lance placed a hand against where he knew the bandage in his side was. It came back red.

He needed to get out, and he needed to get out now.

“Alright! Next?”

_“Uh,”_ Pidge made a sound like she’d just clapped her hands. _”Fuck!”_

“Who’s there?” Lance grinned.

“ _Nobody- fuck off!”_

**_Go straight- you’re clear!_ **

_“Where exactly have you made it, Little Paladin?_ ”

“As though I’m going to tell you. You’re adorable, Kranny.”

“ _Ohhh, good one, Lance!”_ Hunk crowed. Pidge yelled the “Thug Life” theme.

“Why thank yo-” Blinding agony overtook Lance’s being, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as every muscle in Lance’s body suddenly locked in place, sending him hurtling to the ground. He couldn’t move, couldn’t yell, couldn’t fight, couldn’t speak, couldn’t even _breathe_ as sparks flew around him and the faint scent of burning flesh filled the air. 

***

“Pidge?!” Shiro yelled. “What just happened?!”

“ _I DON’T KNOW_!” she shrieked. “I’ve lost his signal! Something’s wrong! I can’t reach Lance anymore!”

“ _Looks like I’ve won, Paladins.”_

_***_

  
  


“Commander!” Lance heard somewhere above him as he twitched and writhed. “We’ve located the prisoner!”

“Did y-y-you-u f-fucking ta-aze m-me-me-me-e?” Lance stuttered as two soldiers appeared on either side of him, hauling him to a standing position and holding him fast with a hand on his good arm and a barrel on his temple. Lance took a look at the one who had spoken, and presumably the one who had tazed him. It was that damn Soldier One. The rookie who had responded to Lance’s rhetorical insult earlier and the comrade who had stepped on said rookie’s foot were also with him. 

“Target has been stunned and is out of commission.”

Oh really? 

Rookie and Footsie were so focused on Soldier One’s words that they couldn’t be bothered to take note of the subtle movement of Lance’s hand while he carefully tried to summon his bayard without getting a hole in his head.

Soldier One stopped him before he could get very far, though, with a cold “step back” and the press of a button.

Lance saw white again.

***

“Pidge get that signal up _now_!” Keith cried, desperation making his already iffy bedside manners go kaput.

“I’m trying!” she cried. “It’s like his comms don’t even exist anymore! This, this isn’t a signal issue, guys. There’s nothing I can do!”

“Shiro, tell me you’re close on that wall!”

“I’m not getting anywhere!” Shiro growled, slamming his still glowing fist against the door. Sweat poured down his face at the strain of focusing on the action for so long. He couldn’t keep going, not at this rate. He’d never been in a situation where he had to have his hand powered on for such a long time- there’d never been a need for it. “We need a new p-”

“ _-ladins?! Paladins, do you read me?!_ ”

“ALLURA!” Hunk hollered. “Allura, we read you!”

“ _Thank goodness we found you! Zarkon’s personal cruiser is heading our way- we need to abort the mission_ now! _”_

***

Lance had a shock collar.

That was new.

When had they put that on?

How had Lance not notic-

_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-FUCKING SHIT-HHHHHHHHHHHHHH_

Soldier one smirked grimly, pressing the button down again and again and again-

Lance thought that he was trying to make Lance fall unconscious. He also couldn’t decide if the fact that he had thus far been able to push through the black spots drifting in and out of his vision was a good thing or not.

He was defenseless like this. He needed to get the Three Stooges off his back, but he couldn’t when agony had his body slowly shutting down.

“Captain!” Rookie called out suddenly. The electricity stopped. Lance flopped like a terrified fish on the ground. “We’re going to kill the target at this rate. Commander Krantock wanted him alive for our Emperor.” Soldier One and Footsie stiffened before waving Rookie over for a private conversation with their backs to Lance 

Thank _Dios_ for unassuming rookies and total idiots, right? Now was Lance’s chance. He twitched his hand, summoning his bayard, readying to end these silly geese-

Nothing happened. No twitches, no summoning, no silly geese ends… Lance couldn’t do _anything_. He could breathe and blink. That was about it.

Lance couldn’t get himself out of this one.

Not alone.

***

“We need to get you four back here now!” Allura yelled. Coran stood behind her, eyes wide with worry.

“ _And leave our teammate?_ ” Pidge snapped. “ _Not a chance.”_

“ _We aren’t leaving Lance behind,_ ” Shiro said with finality. Allura fought a sigh. They weren’t understanding. She looked at Coran for help. 

“We would never leave Lance behind,” he said, stepping up to the princess calmly. “But we all know Number Three. He won’t look out for himself if he thinks that you all are in danger. The sooner we get you all here at the Castle, the sooner you all can get to your Lions and we can save our family.” Allura gave Coran a grateful smile while their friends gave their support.

“We can do this, Paladins,” she promised. 

“ _How far away are you both?_ ” Hunk asked hopefully.

“About ten doboshes. Hold tight. We won’t be long.”

“ _Please hurry,_ ” Hunk said fretfully. “ _Lance might not have that long._ ”

***

“Q-q-uizn-aa-ak,” Lance hissed, noting the slight puddle of red forming beneath him once more. His adrenaline was wearing off with every passing tick. The three musketeers were still debating the best course of action while Lance tried everything he could think of to take them down and get the hell out of Dodge.

It was like his body had just… shut down. Maybe it was that term Pidge had once thrown around… muscular atrophy? Maybe that’s what this was?

He didn’t know. Either way, it sucked and Lance was on the verge of panic. There wasn’t time to play medical specialist here. 

His comms had been blown out by the initial shock- he had no idea how his friends were doing, nor did he know what Krantock was planning to do or say to them. He needed to get to them _now_ . Lance grit his teeth, putting as much force as he could into making his left foot move, twitch, wiggle, _anything please I can’t lose them now-_

**My Paladin!** If Lance had been capable of motor functions at the moment he might have fallen over from the shock and relief suddenly coursing through his veins. A spasm made his shoulders tense and his spine quiver. A tear traced its way down his cheek at the blinding agony freezing his frame in place. As the tremors subsided, Lance reached out to his beautiful life line.

_Blue?!_

**My Paladin, where are you?! My sister can not get to her Paladin and Galran soldiers are keeping her captive- what has happened?!**

_Blue, beautiful, you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice! I need to get to my team- what do I do?!_

**Lion is trying to get to My Paladin, please please hold on!**

_I don’t think I can. I… I can’t move, Blue. My comms are down- I don’t know where my team is or what is going on!_

Blue hissed in his mind, Lance wincing at the ferocity even while his heart swelled with gratitude that he had Blue with him. He could do this if he had her. **The Advisor and Altean aren’t understanding what Lion needs. Please, please wait.**

_There must be something we can do! Krantock could be doing_ anything _to my friends!_

**Lion... may be able to help.**

_Why do you hesitate?_

**It is very dangerous, My Paladin. Are you injured?**

_I’ll be fine, Blue. I trust you- do what you have to._

Blue light crackled across Lance’s dark skin, filling every pore with fire and energy and _pain_. Lance clenched his teeth, fingers scrabbling against the hard ground beneath him, feeling the strong presence of his Lion even around the popping and crackling lightning lancing through his mind. Lance’s eyes were filled with an electric cerulean film as his mouth twisted in a snarl. After a few ticks of hell, the energy died down, fully disappearing into Lance’s skin. His eyes still felt funny, but Lance shook it off, assuming that it was just a side effect.

Around the agony slowly ebbing, Lance could sense Blue doing her best to hold back her essence, doing her best to keep Lance in control.

_Let’s do this._

**Please hurry- this is not safe.**

“Okay,” Lance breathed, looking down as he leapt to his feet. The shock collar was there, sizzling and blacked slightly, in a pool of blood. Lance’s eyes widened. _Shit_. His side was bleeding freely through the bandage.

**Lion will keep you going, My Paladin, please just hurry.**

_Can do, beautiful_.

“I'm going to ask this once,” Lance snarled as he raised his bayard offensively, Soldier one, Rookie, and Footsie in his sights. They looked like he’d just come back from the dead in a 70’s rock concert light show.

Which wasn't that far off of the mark but anyways.

“Stand down.”

The three Galrans obeyed without question, dropping to their knees with their hands up. Lance set his blaster to stun with a grim smirk and gunned them down quickly. He didn’t have time for a hostage situation- they’d be fine where they were.

**My Paladin! Lion is coming!**

_You got out?_

**Yes!**

Lance could have cried at the realization that help was finally coming. He wasn’t alone anymore. 

_Can you reach the others?_

**No,** Blue answered apologetically. Lance fought the despair squeezing his chest beyond what the wrappings around his ribs were capable of.

_It’s fine. They’re fine._

***

 _“The Blue Lion has left the Castle!_ ” Allura suddenly gasped. Keith stiffened. 

“What?”

_“She’s gone- headed your way, Paladins!_ ”

“She must be going for Lance!” Pidge realized. “He must still be okay!”

“Or,” Keith countered grimly, “he’s about to not be.”

***

Lance raced down the corridors he’d managed to get to know pretty well during this ordeal. “ _KRANTOCK!_ ” he roared. “ _COME AND FACE ME!_ ”

A laugh echoed through the ship. Lance’s eyes narrowed. There he was.

**My Paladin, what are you doing?!**

_I can’t get to my team if he’s still walking around- it’s too risky._

**This can’t continue- you will die if Lion remains connected to you like this!**

Lance resolutely ignored the nausea spinning in his gut and wet dripping down his face. He couldn’t pinpoint the origin, and he didn’t want to. Not now.

It could wait.

**It** **_can’t_ ** **wait, My Paladin! This will kill you!**

“KRANTOCK!” Lance skidded to a stop when he caught side of the purple hulk. “This ends now!”

“There you are, Little Paladin! Your friends are quite worried about you.”

“Leave them out of this. You and me. Right now.”

“You couldn’t defeat me when you were at your best, Little Paladin. What makes you think you can beat me now?”

“I have a little more help,” Lance smirked. Krantock’s eyes widened ever so slightly at the implication. 

“Your Lion? She’s joined you?”

Lance ignored the confusion of how quickly Krantock figured that out. “I’m not alone here. But you are.” He didn’t hesitate, firing four shots at center mass. Krantock flew back, yelling in pain. Lance fought to remain upright as his vision began to swim.

_Blue, what’s going on?_ He cried over the pounding of blood in his mind. The wound on his temple began to pulsate angrily, and his shoulder protested every breath he took against his throbbing ribs. He could feel Blue pulling back worriedly, but Lance latched onto her with renewed strength. 

**My Paladin won’t last much longer! Need to let go** **_NOW_ ** **!**

“Problem, Little Paladin?” Krantock asked, rising shakily to his feet. He strode forward swiftly before Lance could collect himself, swiping Lance to the side with a mighty swing of Mjölnir’s broke cousin.

_Blue how long can we maintain this?_

**Not long- I am nearly there.**

_Good. Keep with me, Blue. Don’t let go just yet._

**It will kill you, My Paladin! You need to let go!**

_We all die you either kill yourself or get killed!_

**Now is** **_not_ ** **the time!**

“Fuck you, Krantock!” Lance hissed instead of replying. Whatever was dripping down his face previously had doubled in speed, and he swiped under his nose briefly to find blood filling his hand.

That wasn’t good. Blue wasn’t joking.

Lance staggered to his feet, finding balance after a second of the world swaying under his feet. 

_Blue, I need a burst._

**My Paladin, no-!**

_NOW, BLUE!_

Lance fired his bayard as that painful fire from earlier washed through him, leaving through his weapon in a blinding stream of energy and power. Krantock cried out in agony as the light surged through him. It lasted for only a handful of ticks, but when the light faded, Lance was left empty and hollow, unable to breath as he gasped like a fish. He collapsed to his knees, knowing that any field dressings he’d done earlier were not doing anything for him anymore. Blue was still holding on, thankfully, as without her Lance was fairly certain he would have lost consciousness then and there. 

Lance didn’t need to look at Krantock’s body piled on the floor to know he was dead- the smell of burnt flesh and gore was plenty to signal Lance’s sensitive stomach that there was nothing good over there.

**My Paladin!**

_Thanks, Blue._ Lance fell to his side, still trying to center his breaths. _Don’t… don’t let go yet._

**Lion can’t let go now,** she snapped. **It will kill My Paladin.**

_Well then_ definitely _don’t let go._

**Paladin-** **_behind you!_ **

Lance whipped around, jumping to his feet and firing six shots.

Four thumps answered him.

It had been a squad of Galrans- four of them, coming to report to Krantock. Lance barely had time to acknowledge what had just happened before he was on his hand and knees again, spilling his guts on the ground. His head spun and pulsed, that annoying nosebleed continuing to pour. His vision was foggy and his limbs shook and spasmed at random. Something was dripping from his eyes now, and it wasn’t just tears. Red filled the puddle of sick on the floor, joining the puddle of blood already on the floor from his _everything_.

That really wasn’t good.

**Paladin, I see you!**

Lance turned to the window. Blue was there. His beautiful girl was _there_ . He was _safe_. 

_Finally safe._

Lance didn’t waste any time. He shot the oddly placed window, holding his breath and launching into open space. Blue’s cry of protest at him going into space with no armor was swallowed by the oppressive cold of space ironically burning his bare flesh. Lance flew out, Blue- bless her- swooping forward and catching him in her cockpit. 

**My Paladin, you need healing!**

_Not yet,_ he thought sluggishly. _My… team. Need to get to Black._

**No! Paladins will be fine- My Paladin won’t-**

_Please._

Blue gave in, letting Lance guide her controls with a shaking hand. He shot them down the length of the ship, seeing the Galran soldiers flocked around a large mass through Blue’s scanning systems. 

_Blue, I’ll need you to cover me._

**Anything.**

***

“Can anyone reach Lance?” Hunk cried desperately. The silence was weighing on him. No one knew what to do- Allura and Coran were still too far out. Allura had already wormholed them as close as she could.

The irony of that was not lost on Hunk.

_“His comms are still down- I can’t access the Blue Lion either,_ ” Coran admitted.

“ _Hold on, Paladins. We’re nearly there!_ ”

***

Lance landed Blue in the hangar where Black was, the three beings separated from the rest of Voltron. Immediately, all of the Galrans guarding the Black Lion were on alert, opening fire on the Blue Lion as her jaw’s opened and Lance fired grenades as far and as fast as he could. Blue fired lasers from her tail, taking out soldiers by the dozen with Lance’s explosions launching them cruelly into the walls and ceiling with audible crunches.

It wasn’t his typical style of fighting, Lance preferred a little more grace and mercy, but he didn’t have the energy or time to spare the Galrans. He needed to get his friends to safety before he…

Nevermind. 

He just needed to get to them.

He needed his family.

Everything hurt- they could make it better.

He really wanted to stop hurting.

He wanted hugs and assurances and _his team-Dios please he really needed them-_

When the gunfire finally stopped, Lance was left hunched over his knees, sick again while surrounded by carnage and charred remains. He shook himself mentally, telling himself that he was fine. That he would be ok.

He could do this.

He’d come this far.

The Blue Paladin hobbled to the door, hoping that it wasn’t sound-proof. His friends were there.

He’d found them.

“ _STAND BACK!”_ he yelled hoarsely, head ringing with the volume. All of the sound he could hear before stopped instantly. “ _STAND BACK!”_ Lance cried again, hoping to _Dios_ that they could understand what he was saying. Lance ran (it was more a swift zombie stagger but whatever) back to Blue’s cockpit, barely making it to the seat before he collapsed into it. 

He actually fell out of it, choosing instead to flop on the floor next to it, his breathing shallow and vision blurred.

_Can you and Black get them out?_

**Of course**.

_Thank you… beautiful_.

Lance let his head fall back in relief. In a few moments, his family would be free.

He could stop now.

He’d done his job.

They were safe.

Krantock was dead.

The Galrans were gone.

He found the Black Lion.

Zarkon hadn’t found them (should he be more worried about that?)

No. 

He was done.

He didn’t have to hurt anymore.

The Castle had found them- they would be okay.

Everything hurt. Blue wasn’t receding. Her power was still coursing through him, _hurting_ him, _why-_

_Please stop. I- Blue,_ please _\- no-_

**Hold on, My Paladin! Please hold on!**

_I’m sorry. Tell them I’m sorry._

**We’re so close, My Paladin! You did it!**

_Everything hurts. Make it stop hurting._

**Lion can’t, but other Paladins can! Just hold on for them, My Paladin.**

Right. Right, his friends were coming. 

They would fix this. They could make this better.

Hunk would… Hunk would wrap Lance in the biggest hug ever and Pidge would sit by his side and tell him funny stories of her family…

Allura would let him braid her hair and in turn she’d card her long fingers through his...

Shiro would let Lance lean on his shoulder and would tell him everything was going to be okay…

Even though it _wasn’t_ okay…

Keith would sit with Lance, let Lance draw from his determination, his courage… he would give Lance little smiles that meant more that Keith would ever know…

Allura and Coran would fix him…

...They’d all be together again.

Yeah…

He’d be fine…

_...thanks… Blue..._

....

**MY PALADIN!**

***

Nothing had ever filled Shiro with as much relief as hearing Lance’s voice from the other side of the wall. He was yelling for them to stand back- he was getting them out!

He was safe!

It took Shiro a moment after his initial joy to notice the pain in Lance’s rasping voice, the desperation coloring those two words he shouted. Shiro took action immediately, throwing himself backwards and wrapping his arms around his team to protect them as across the room the wall lit up in explosions and color.

Two beams.

Two Lions.

Black and Blue. They were okay also.

Things were finally looking up. Lance had allies with him now.

They’d all heard him when he found Krantock. They knew that something had gone down. Krantock was most likely dead- they hadn’t heard from the commander after screams and gunfire filled their comms, the sounds of gasping and far-off retching clueing them in that things had changed for the worse with their Blue Paladin. Krantock had said something about Lance and the Blue Lion “joining”, which was concerning in and of itself, but also not Shiro’s number one concern at the moment. 

The door was open.

  
Well, the door was more _gone_ than anything else- the Lion’s had obliterated the entire _wall_.

Shiro was definitely not complaining. 

Four Paladins raced out to where the Black Lion was with Lance and the Blue Lion, cries of their brother’s name already echoing through the space.

Only for the Blue Lion to suddenly turn jerkily and leap off the ship, blasting into space.

**Hurry, Paladins!** Black called. Shiro jumped, surprised at the sudden voice in his mind. The others’ eyes widened comically, looking up at the Lion in confusion.

“Was- was that the Black Lion?” Hunk asked tentatively. Shiro nodded mutely.

**Hurry! The Blue Paladin needs help!**

“Lance?!” Shiro called. “What happened?”

**Lion does not know,** Black admitted, urgency rushing her words as the Paladins filed in quickly. **Blue is extremely distressed- won’t stop yelling for her Paladin.**

“How fast can you get us back there?” Keith asked. Black sighed in defeat even as she launched out of the hanger, hot on the Blue Lion’s tail.

**Let us hope Lion is fast enough.**

***

“Paladins!” Allura yelled. “What is going on over there!”

_“Lance got to the Black Lion. He and Blue are on their way back now,”_ Shiro reported.

“Do we know his status?”

“ _The Black Lion says that the Blue Lion is distressed. We haven’t heard from Lance since he got us out,_ ” Keith informed, worry heavy in his words.

“You all can hear the Black Lion?” Coran entered the room, his expression puzzled. “That is most unusual.”

“ _She needed to get through to us- Lance needs our help. Coran,”_ Shiro requested, “ _You’re going to need to prep a healing pod.”_

_“Shiro needs one too!”_ Pidge interjected. Allura could picture her scowling at the taller man.

_“I am not the priority- Lance is.”_

“Not to worry, Shiro!” Coran said, forcefully chipper. “I’ll have two pods prepped in a jiffy!”

“ _We’re right on the Blue Lion’s tail- pun not intended- and should be at the castle in less than thirty ticks,”_ Pidge updated.

“ _Coran,”_ Keith called suddenly. “ _What does it mean when for a Lion to ‘join’ a Paladin?_ ”

Coran’s face went ghostly pale behind his mustache. 

_“Coran?”_ Pidge prompted worriedly.

“Hurry back Paladins. Please.” Coran then rushed from the room, leaving Allura perplexed and positively terrified at the ramifications of his words.

_“We’re almost there,_ ” Shiro reassured, though who his words were for, no one knew.

“We await your arrival.”

***

“There’s the castle!” Hunk called. “Hang in there, Lance.”

None of them knew if Lance could hear them.

They were all desperately hoping that he could, though. If he could hear them, then that meant he was conscious, which meant that he would be okay.

None of them knew what they would if he wasn’t.

Pidge subconsciously latched onto Hunk’s arm, holding tight for any sort of comfort she could get while her thoughts spiraled hopelessly. Hunk clutched back just as tightly, trying to not picture his best friend dead in the cockpit of the Blue Lion. Keith had his arms cross, hunched in a corner of the cockpit. The silence was too easy to get lost in. Too many memories to compare this one to. Shiro was gripping the Black Lion’s controls in a white knuckle grip, the metal of his Galran arm actually crushing the lever it held in his desperation to get to Lance.

Up ahead, the Castle of Lions glowed like a lighthouse to a ship lost at sea. Shiro urged his Lion faster as they watched the Blue Lion jet into her hanger. 

The instant the Black Lion touched down, the Paladins were moving. They raced through the Castle, familiar walls blurring as they sped to their friend’s aid.

The Blue Lion was kneeling, mouth already open and shield down. Her eyes flashed in invitation, which was good because none of the paladins broke stride before pivoting into the hanger and to the Blue Lion’s cockpit.

Keith was the first one in, skidding to a stop at the sight of the prone form lying in a puddle or red. He choked out a gasped word that might have been his friend’s name before Shiro appeared, sliding to his knees in front of Lance.

Lance looked like death.

Red streaks covered his face, blood still pouring from his eyes, nose, and the corner of his mouth. His side had a bright red bandage leaking the substance, and his shoulder was gaping and angry looking. Heavy bruising covered his arms along with freeze burns that no one wanted to imagine the origin to. There was a red bandage on the side of his head snugly held with white wrappings Lance must have used to keep his sparking and fritzing comm in place. His ribs had a bulky set to them, like they’d been wrapped. His arm, presumably the one he’d had to relocate, sat against his chest, tied down with Lance’s sleeves. There was swelling around his shoulder that Shiro was careful to not touch as he scooped an arm beneath Lance’s knees and around his upper back, lifting him in a gentle bridal carry.

The worst part, however, was Lance’s eyes themselves. They were wide open, sightless and gaunt and _glowing bright yellow_.

It looked like the Blue Lion’s eyes.

“Red!” Keith called out. “What’s going on?!”

**Blue Paladin did a very dangerous thing. My sister has to let go- hurry! Save him!**

“What’d she say, Keith?” Hunk asked as the three raced after Shiro and Lance. Keith looked at him with a haunted openness. Shiro gasped quietly in front of them, and Hunk, Keith, And Pidge looked in shock as they could see the glow fade from Lance’s eyes and his face go slack, eyes shut. They doubled their pace.

“We have to hurry.”

***

“Coran, what’s going on?” Keith finally asked. They’d gotten Shiro and Lance in pods. Lance was stable for now, but no one knew if he’d stay that way. Shiro would be out in less than a varga- the blast hadn’t hit anything vital. 

Coran sighed, suddenly looking his 10,000+ decaphoebs. 

“I think it’s best we wait until Shiro joins us.”

***

Lance’s face was still deathly pale- though his face was now screwed in a grimace that didn’t belong anywhere on the bright teen’s face- when Shiro’s pod opened. Hunk caught him in an easy hug, letting the Black Paladin get his footing before pulling the rest of their conscious team into a big group hug.

“How is he?” Shiro asked, voice husky. Hunk shrugged helplessly. 

“Coran said he wouldn’t explain anything until we were all present. Well, everyone but…” Shiro put a comforting hand on Hunk’s shoulder.

“Shiro!” Allura cried, coming into the room swiftly. “I’m so glad to see you up! Coran left to get food for you all. How would you all feel about doing a mission debrief in here?” All four paladins visibly relaxed at the knowledge that they wouldn’t have to leave their friend alone. Pidge and Hunk left the room to grab some blankets for everyone to sit on during the debrief.

“Sounds perfect,” Shiro confirmed.

***

“I didn’t know the Lions could do that,” Pidge admitted, breaking the heavy silence that fell after Coran finished explaining things.

“Neither did we,” Coran explained, “but it was a theory of King Alphor’s. If a Lion and Paladin could get in total syn, the Lion might be able to travel the mental link and join their Paladin’s mind and body. I’ve never seen it done until now.”

“That’s why his eyes were yellow, then?” Hunk asked nervously. Coran nodded. 

“It’s a good thing the Blue Lion let go when she did- Lance’s vitals were already dangerously unsteady without an ethereal being splitting his nerves in half and filling his body with raw quintessence.”

“What would have happened if she hadn’t?” Shiro asked the question on everyone’s minds. Allura swallowed thickly.

“Lance would have been lost to the energy. No mortal form was ever meant to hold that much energy- the fact that he lasted as long as he did is an absolute miracle.”

“No,” Hunk said with determination. “That’s just Lance.”

“Why didn’t the Blue Lion let go sooner? She could have killed Lance!” Pidge exclaimed.

**He wouldn’t let me. By the time the fight was over, My Paladin was too wounded for me to leave him- he would have died instantaneously.** Everyone in the medbay jumped as the Blue Lion’s voice filled their minds.

“Blue?” Hunk whispered.

“He shouldn’t have done that!” Keith erupted suddenly, looking up with bright eyes. “He nearly killed himself and for- For what? What was so important that he had to… had to..” Keith trailed off, knowing the answer. Pidge placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

**He wouldn’t listen to Lion,** Blue said sullenly, answering Keith’s question anyways. **His only thoughts were of your safety.**

“Of course they were,” Pidge muttered. “Damn, wonderful, self-sacrificing idiot.”

“How long is he going to be in there?” Shiro asked, looking at Coran hopefully. The Altean smiled kindly.

“He should be out in no less than a movement and half.”

“Now, team,” Shiro cut in through the groans at that, though he himself was quietly dying at the thought of having to spend a movement and a half without their Blue Paladin, “the thing to focus on here is that Lance is going to be okay.”

Keith nodded, a hopeful smile gracing his face. “He’s going to be okay.”

***

Lance really hated waking up cold.

It was… well… cold. He didn’t like the cold. It made him shiver and shake and made his muscles stiff-

_-Muscle atrophy?-_

_-his muscles twitched and spasmed randomly-_

_-force his team to abandon them-_

_-psychological torture-_

_-“Don’t listen to him!-”_

_-they would fix him-_

_-”Fuck you, Krantock”-_

_-”Lance is our teammate!”-_

_-agony-_

_-help, please-_

_-don’t let go yet-_

_-shock collar-_

_-Tell them I’m sorry-_

_-_ **_MY PALADIN!_ ** _-_

Lance’s eyes flew open with a gasp as the pod opened in a gush of steam. There was a cry somewhere above him- _Hunk!_ \- and suddenly Lance was enveloped in warmth and love and _safety_. The warm hands wrapped around his shoulders were joined by two smaller ones around his waist after a moment. Then two stronger ones right above the initial two. A timid hand grasped Lance’s with fierceness, and he clutched back as tightly as he could after a moment when he got his bearings.

  
  


He wasn’t shocked when a sob suddenly racked his frame. The hands- the people, the lovely _lovely_ people followed Lance as he slowly collapsed to the ground, babbling out apologies and incomprehensible rambles. They ended up in a warm huddle of tears and relieved laughter, Lance managing to tug Keith into the cuddle party after an awkward moment of him sitting a bit away, just holding Lance’s hand.

“I’m so- so glad you’re all okay,” Lance whispered, not quite believing it himself.

“Don’t _ever_ do that again,” Pidge hissed, clutching his cryosuit as though she was afraid Lance would disappear. Lance wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t at this point.

“I’m sorr-”

“ _Don’t_ ,” Keith interrupted thickly, looking up to lock eyes with Lance. “Don’t apologize for _surviving_ . For _saving_ us.”

Lance shook his head. “That was all the Lions. If Blue hadn’t shown u-”

“Blue only came for _you_ , Lance. You took on an entire Galran ship, _alone_ , without any backup, and you _won_ ,” Shiro said, conviction making his voice waver. A tear traced down the older man’s face. “I am _so_ proud of you, Lance.”

That of course set Lance off again. Hunk too.

***

“Hey Pidge,” Lance asked a while later. They had migrated to the common room- Pidge and Keith briefly running off to grab all the pillows and blankets they could find (“Why do you have so many pillows Lance? God-”). Coran and Allura also joined them. “Does this mean I won the bet?”

“The bet?” Shiro asked. Lance was leaning against his shoulder, while Pidge and Hunk squabbled over what movie to watch. They were stuck between a french romcom and an Altean soap opera that Coran highly recommended. The fact that neither had english subtitles hadn’t apparently occurred to either of the two geniuses. Keith, Shiro, and Lance were enjoying watching the disaster unfold. 

“Shit, I think you did,” Pidge said after a moment.

“I mean, I would actually say that you did, Pidge,” Keith interjected, smirking slightly at Lance’s squawk of indignance. “What? She’s the one who made a code out of it.”

“But it was my idea, Mullet!”

“You said ‘if you tell it to me the basic way’. How were we supposed to get Vines from that?”

“Just because Pidge and I have a subconscious link doesn’t mean you have to be jealous.”

“Yeah, Keith.”

“I was on _your_ side, Pidge!” Keith sputtered. Shiro tried and failed to stifle his laughter. Keith glared at him briefly before turning back to Pidge.

“I liked what he had to say more,” she sniffed. 

“I- what- _Hunk_ -” Keith looked pointedly at the larger boy.

“Oh yeah. Hunk, you were our ref,” Lance addressed. “What’s your verdict?”

“Keith won,” he said bluntly.

“ _WHAT?_ ” Keith, Pidge, and Lance shouted in unison.

“He’s the one who started the code.”

“Oh yeah,” Lance rinned. “He let me know that you guys had gotten the sentry guns down! Nice touch, by the way. You gave me the idea.”

“Yeah, he beat me there I suppose,” Pidge acknowledged.

“Citizens!” Lance gasped dramatically, making Shiro jump (which pulled a snort from Pidge and a yelp from Hunk consecutively). “I stand before you all today-”

“-you’re sitting down-”

“-Right, thank you Pidge: I _sit_ before you all today to crown a new leader of our Vinic Province.”

“Our _what_?”

“There is just no pleasing you, is there? I used your word and everything. Keith! Kneel!” Lance stood then while Keith, flushing, kneeled. Shiro chuckled like a madman, Hunk smacking his shoulder (“dude you’re making _me_ laugh shut up-”) and trying to remain stoic in this solemn moment. “Ugh- I need- _Pidge I need a stick-_ ”

“I gotchu.” Pidge handed Lance a Twizzler.

“Are these _Twizzlers_?! When did you get Twizzlers?!”

“They, like, never go bad. I had a sealed package in my pocket when we found the Blue Lion.”

“And it never occurred to you to share _before now_ ?!’  
  


“Today is a special occasion! I was saving it!” Pidge explained back.

“Alright, well, I can’t argue with that logic.” Lance wiggled his Twizzler imperiously over Keith’s head, who fought a giggle. Shiro and Hunk collapsed into quiet, wheezing laughter on the side while Coran and Allura subtly took pictures and basked in the merriment of the room. “Sir Keith, Keith Kogane, of the Random House in the Desert-”

“- _Hey!-_ ”

“Hush!” Lance swatted Keith gently with the Twizzler on the top of his head. “Do not interfere with the sanctity of this moment! Now then. Keith Kogane of the Random Desert House, do you solemnly swear to continue your studies in the Vinic teachings, to continue to bestow what you’ve learned as situational humor permits, and reference any and all masterpieces you may encounter so help you Shiro?”

“I… what?”

“Just say I do!” Keith ducked to avoid Lance’s Twizzler again.

“You do!” heckled Pidge from the sidelines. Lance glared at her.

“Silence, Dethroned One! It is not your place to speak here!” Pidge stuck her tongue out in answer. “Very mature. Now Keith, what say you?”

“Uhh… I do?”

“Then arise, young Keith!”

“I’m older than you.”

“Pish posh.”

“Did you just say _‘pish posh’_?!”

“Shut up Pidge you’re ruining my character.”

“Shiro, Lance is being mean.”

“Lance, play nice with Pidge.”

“We have more important things to worry about, Shiro. Now then,” Lance cleared his throat snootily. “I present to you all, our new Vinic Leader! Three cheers for Keith!”

“Please no-”

“Hip hip!”

“ _HOORAY!”_

“Guys-”

“Hip hip!

“ _HOORAY!”_

“Allura, Coran, help-”

“Hip hip!”

“ _HOORAY!”_

“Great work team,” Shiro laughed while Keith turned bright red. “Now how about that movie?”

“ _English_ , please,” Lance intervened before Pidge and Hunk could resume their debate. They both frowned at him briefly before nodding resignedly.

Lance laughed at that, burrowing back into the cushions next to Shiro while Keith came and sat down on Shiro’s other side. Keith slipped a hand behind Shiro’s back, and nudged Lance’s hand with his fist. Lance leaned forward, giving Keith a raised eyebrow. Keith looked at him in exasperation. “ _Fist bump”_ he mouthed while Shiro fought to maintain a straight face. Lance gave a slight chuckle before connecting his fist against Keith’s. The mullet huffed a laugh before retracting his hand and leaning back, satisfied with his position. Allura draped her long legs over the back of the couch they were leaning against and sank down contentedly on the cushion with her legs crossed, Lance’s head against her calf. She carded her fingers through his hair and he hummed contedly, leaning back into her touch. Hunk came over and flopped down next to Lance with a sigh, wrapping his arm around Lance’s shoulers. Lance looked over, giving Hunk a grateful smile, which the Yellow Paladin returned warmly, eyes a little watery. Pidge observed the scene with a huff, opting to sprawl in front of the others. She smacked Lance’s feet gently until he raised them before scooting back beneath them. Lance looked at her quizzically before shrugging and plopping his feet down on her hip. Coran vaulted over the back of the couch to sit next to Allura.

The projector that Pidge and Hunk rigged to display what was on Pidge’s computer lit up the white sheet suspended from the ceiling with color and music filled the room. Lance let out a happy sigh, knowing that the others were taking note of his every move. Lance wasn’t sure how long he’d been in the pods, or what state the others had found him in. One day he’d ask, one day he’d find out how bad he had to have been to his team to be this worried about him. But for now, he was okay. They were all okay.

Yeah.

They were okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah.
> 
> Congrats! You just made it through my longest work yet!
> 
> And it’s complete!!!
> 
> So it’s ahead of my other one.
> 
> I didn’t plan any of that, by the way. I’m as shocked as the rest of you at that turn. The original concept was for a lot less whump.
> 
> So that changed.
> 
> Mostly this one was dedicated to characterization and keeping details straight. I’m passively awful at organization (shocking, I know)
> 
> Let me know your thoughtS. Last time I counted there were like 35 references, and then I added a bunch.
> 
> Is it wrong that I would actually kill to see someone try and draw this mess? Like, if you’re bored, feel free to flex on me with your talent.
> 
> ALSO! I have tumblr. Come and yell at me at uncouth-peasant :)
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!!!  
> Peasant out!


End file.
